[Scene: A tiny apartment kitchen. A man is holding a telephone receiver upside down.] [MAN, proudly] I fixed the telephone. [WOMAN] It was not broken. [MAN] Exactly. Now it is fixed in advance. [WOMAN] Why are you holding it upside down? [MAN] So the conversation can fall into my ear. [Pause.] [WOMAN] That is not how telephones work. [MAN] Then why do they keep putting the mouthpiece at the bottom? [WOMAN] Because people speak from their mouths. [MAN] People do many reckless things. [Audience chuckle.] [WOMAN] Give me the phone. [MAN] Careful. It is fixed. [WOMAN] You have only made it heavier. [MAN] That is what fixing means. You add something until nobody can move it. [Telephone rings.] [WOMAN] The phone is ringing. [MAN] Impossible. I removed the bell. [WOMAN] You removed the spoon. [MAN] Then the soup is ringing. [Audience laughter.] [WOMAN] Please answer it. [MAN, into the upside-down receiver] Hello? Yes, this is the soup. [Beat.] [MAN] No, he is not here. He is fixing the telephone. [WOMAN] That is you! [MAN] I cannot be everywhere. [Audience laughter and applause.]
