[Intro — twin-fiddle pickup; walking bass and a swinging full band groove] [Verse 1] North wind rattled both our screen doors, Sleet was tickin’ on the tin. Found him down behind his mama, Shakin’ in that brand-new skin. Wrapped him in my old chore jacket, Carried him across the floor. She said, “I asked you for some firewood.” I said, “He weighs a little more.” [Chorus] There’s a calf in the kitchen, Boot prints down the hall. Mama’s got the good towels out Like he’s somebody come to call. Kids have named him Biscuit; He likes the dog’s bed best. There’s a calf in the kitchen, And he’s our overnight guest. [Turnaround — honky-tonk piano with a pedal steel answer] [Verse 2] Our boy brought down another blanket; Our girl sat strokin’ both his ears. She told him all about her school day Like he’d been her friend for years. I said, “Y’all, don’t get attached now,” Then he laid his chin across my shoe. Mama said, “He’s picked his person.” Both kids hollered, “Dad, that’s you!” [Chorus] There’s a calf in the kitchen, Boot prints down the hall. Mama’s got the good towels out Like he’s somebody come to call. Kids have named him Biscuit; He likes the dog’s bed best. There’s a calf in the kitchen, And he’s our overnight guest. [Instrumental — fiddle and honky-tonk piano trade four bars each] [Bridge — lighten the drums; acoustic guitar and bass keep the swing] By daylight he was standin’, And his mama called outside. We took him back out to the barn With the kids on either side. [Final Chorus — full band returns; warm harmonies] There was a calf in the kitchen, Boot prints down the hall. Mama had the good towels out Like somebody’d come to call. Kids had named him Biscuit; He liked the dog’s bed best. We had a calf in the kitchen, Our favorite overnight guest. [Spoken Tag — band drops to a quiet shuffle] She said, “Now, where’s that firewood?” “I’m gettin’ it, honey. I’m gettin’ it.” [Outro — bright fiddle and piano fills; swinging full band ending] © 2026 Redneck Muslim. All rights reserved.
