The Little Man

[Verse 1] He put on a serious face Like history is his moustache Like destiny lives in a bunker Eating canned fish and trash He talks of the motherland Like she asked for this disease Two hundred years in sepia And mothballs in the breeze He points at maps like a grandpa ghost With delusions in a frame “Empire! Empire!” But every century calls him lame [Pre-Chorus] Ooooh— little statue man With your boiled-egg head of doom You wanna rule the future With the furniture of a tomb [Chorus] Oh Putin, you ridiculous man Tiny tsar with a cosplay plan Bare chest! Horseback! Kalashnikov prop! Trying to look hard but it’s camp nonstop You strut like a legend But you wobble like a meme A medieval landlord In a petroleum dream Oh Putin! You tragic macho ham! You think you’re forged in iron But you’re processed luncheon spam! [Verse 2] He poses like a calendar For divorced nationalist dads Selling discount Caesar fantasies To angry internet lads “Bring back the empire!” Says the bald little goblin king Like dead philosophers are clapping From the sewer where they sing A thousand books got buried A thousand minds got shot And now the loudest village uncle Pretends that thought is rot [Pre-Chorus] Ooooh— little fossil czar With your haunted gym teacher stare You want a throne of glory Built from fear and bad hair [Chorus] Oh Putin, you ridiculous man Tiny tsar with a cosplay plan Bare chest! Horseback! Kalashnikov prop! Trying to look hard but it’s camp nonstop You strut like a legend But you wobble like a meme A medieval landlord In a petroleum dream Oh Putin! You tragic macho ham! You think you’re forged in iron But you’re processed luncheon spam! [Bridge – whispered / deranged / theatrical] Motherland… motherland… motherland… Did she ask for this weird little landlord? Did she ask for this shirtless taxidermy energy? Did she ask for this haunted wax museum masculinity? No… No no no no no… This is not a warrior This is a man in a propaganda screensaver This is not a Caesar This is a furious garden gnome with nukes [Breakdown] HAH! Look at him! Galloping into Photoshop eternity! Holding a rifle like a confused theme park actor! A shirtless uncle of doom! A granite-flavored peacock! A paranoid mushroom in elevator shoes! [Final Chorus] Oh Putin, you ridiculous man Tiny tsar with a cosplay plan Bare chest! Horseback! Kalashnikov prop! Trying to look hard but it’s camp nonstop You bark of glory But the whole thing smells of fear A secondhand emperor Renting someone else’s year Oh Putin! You sad imperial mime! You came to sell the future But you’re stuck in borrowed time! [Outro] Little tsar… little tsar… Frozen in your macho pose History is laughing And everybody knows Little tsar… little tsar… Your empire is a wig in rain You can scream “forever” But forever thinks you’re vain