Addictions and Accolades

[Intro] Used to chase a bottle… Now I chase stages. Funny thing is, both’ll kill you if you let ‘em. [Verse 1] Used to wake up on floors I didn’t know Ash in my lungs, blood on my coat Missed calls from mama, I let 'em ring Numb in my soul, dead to everything Sold my trust for a little escape Never looked back at the hearts I break Didn’t need a cell, I built my own With a bottle for a Bible and pain for a home [Verse 2] Kicked out the crib, outta cash, outta time Sleeping in cars, beggin' for a sign Friends turned ghosts, but the pills stayed close Told myself lies I needed most I could’ve died in a dollar store stall Face down cold with no one to call But hell had room, and I had drive Still don’t know how I made it out alive [Pre-Chorus] They said, “Boy, you’re lucky” But luck don’t leave you this ugly I ain’t proud of the way I bled But I’m proud I ain’t dead [Chorus] Addictions and accolades One filled the void, the other parades I climbed out just to climb again Now the stage is my medicine I traded the high for the lights But I still shake alone at night Addictions and accolades Same demons, just better paid [Verse 3] Now it’s private flights and sold-out sets But I still feel that first regret A thousand likes, a sea of hands Can’t quiet down who I really am Labels call, they want the pain But not the truth that comes with my name They say I’m healed, hell, maybe I am But some scars scream louder than the fans [Verse 4] I quit the pills, but I crave the praise Same damn hunger, different face I used to chase a fix with fire Now I chase approval and call it desire But when the curtain drops and I’m alone My shadow still knows every wrong Success don’t mean that I’m okay It just bought me a longer stay [Pre-Chorus] They said, “Boy, you made it” But I still feel sedated I ain’t proud of the way I bled But I’m proud I ain’t dead [Chorus] Addictions and accolades One filled the void, the other parades I climbed out just to climb again Now the stage is my medicine I traded the high for the lights But I still shake alone at night Addictions and accolades Same demons, just better paid [Bridge, Spoken Low] Ain’t no cure in a crowd Ain’t no peace in bein’ loud But if this mic helps one soul breathe Then maybe that pain still serves me [Final Chorus] Addictions and accolades Truth in the lines and in the haze I sing for the lost, I sing for the pain I sing ‘cause the silence still knows my name I gave up death to chase the light But I still fight it every night Addictions and accolades That's the price I still pay