[Verse 1] Hunter was a man with a dream in his head, To catch Bigfoot alive or (at least) nearly dead He packed up a trap made of wire and a bin, The size of a cooler—“He’ll fit right in!” He camped in the woods with beef jerky bait, Waited all night from sunset ‘til late Snapped twigs, loud roars—was that him?! Nope. Just a raccoon workin’ out at the gym [Chorus] 🎶 One hundred close calls, he almost had proof Hair on a branch and a really big hoof But every dang time, Bigfoot slipped away While Hunter screamed, “C’mon! Not again today!” Now he’s done with the woods, done feelin’ stressed So he’s headin’ to Scotland to go hunt Ness 🎶 [Verse 2] He tried apples, he tried pizza, he even used pie “Who doesn’t love cobbler?” he said with a sigh Set motion cams, got blurry shots Of squirrels in wigs and tourists in Crocs He built a decoy: “A lady Bigfoot model!” But it scared off a hiker who dove in a puddle At one point he swore he made eye contact But he blinked and Bigfoot had vanished, in fact [Chorus] 🎶 One hundred close calls, he almost had proof A howl in the dark and a smell like old soup But every last time, Bigfoot played ghost Left poor Hunter with nothin’ but toast So he’s done with the trees, done feelin’ vexed Now he’s flyin’ out east for what’s underwater next 🎶 [Bridge] So now he’s on a boat with a sonar screen Sippin’ on tea and livin’ the dream “Bigfoot’s too shy, too fast, too sly— But maybe Nessie’s just floatin’ nearby” [Final Chorus] 🎶 A hundred close calls, but he’s still got fire From the misty lochs to the lake of desire He might not trap legends or change the news But he’s got wild tales and waterproof shoes Hunter may fail, but here’s what’s true: The chase is the win… when it’s all you do 🎶 (Ends with bagpipes gently fading in, as Hunter stares into Loch Ness, whispering: “I will find you, Nessie… eventually.”)
