[Intro] Where are your shoes? Why are there grapes in the couch? No—don’t lick that—don’t—okay you licked it. It’s 8:07 AM. [Verse 1] Woke up ready, said today I got this Three deep breaths, little morning goddess Turn around, there’s a marker on the wall It says “mom” but it’s spelled wrong, y’all Toothpaste in the sink like modern art One kid crying ‘cause I broke his pop tart Other one’s naked, running full speed Wearing just a cape like “I am speed” [Pre-Chorus] I said put your shoes on ten times straight Now we late, now we late, now we really late Somewhere in the chaos I lost my mind If you see it, please return it, signed— [Chorus] My kids are driving me crazy But they’re also kinda amazing One’s a gremlin, one’s a queen Both got jam on everything My kids are driving me wild Send help—but also this is my child I’m tired, loud, emotionally hazy Yeah, my kids are driving me crazy [Verse 2] Who taught you how to negotiate? You said five minutes—it’s been eight You got contracts, terms, and clauses too? Why you arguing like a tiny lawyer dude Snack request number twenty-three You just ate—that wasn’t for me Now you want water in a purple cup But not that purple, the other one, yup [Pre-Chorus] I tried logic, I tried being calm Now I’m googling “is this my mom?” Generational loop unlocked Why am I yelling about a sock [Chorus] My kids are driving me crazy But they’re also kinda amazing One’s a tornado, one’s a vibe Both run on zero sleep inside My kids are driving me wild I need a break—just kidding, they smiled I’m stressed, blessed, barely steady Send snacks, coffee, and emotional confetti [Bridge] Don’t touch that— Why is that wet— Who spilled juice— Why is there a pet— We don’t even have a pet Whose fish is this? …okay it’s a cracker It’s just a soggy cracker We’re fine [Final Chorus] My kids are driving me crazy But I’d choose this life daily Even when I lose my cool And step on lego barefoot, brutal My kids are driving me wild Tiny humans, max profile I’m surviving, barely maybe But yeah, my kids are driving me crazy [Outro] Okay… come here. No, I’m not mad. …who drew on the dog?
