I don't remember Building me There was no morning When I woke up And said Today I'll become somebody It happened A little at a time A name That's you A face in the mirror That's you Good boy That's you Bad boy That's you too Be careful Don't touch that Say thank you Say you're sorry Make us proud Don't embarrass me What will people think? And every word Left a little mark Not on the body On the idea Of me I learned I am my name I am this face I am what I do I am what they think I am good When they approve I am wrong When they don't So I collected pieces A little from my mother A little from my father A little from school A little from church A little from every face I learned to read And I stitched them together And called it Me ... Funny Nobody ever asked Who was doing The stitching? ... But the person Was useful The person knew How to behave How to belong How to answer How to smile When smiling was expected How to hide What shouldn't be seen The person learned What to believe What to fear Who was right Who was wrong What success looked like What failure meant What God looked like What God wanted What God might do The person Learned everything Except What it was Before it learned ... And then something Very strange happened I began protecting it My name My reputation My beliefs My possessions My story My people My future My My My Every new thing Attached itself To me And every attachment Gave fear Something else To lose Take my money Alarm Question my belief Alarm Reject my opinion Alarm Leave me Alarm Laugh at me Alarm Tell me I'm wrong ALARM Wait There is no lion here Why is my heart Beating like that? Nothing is chasing me Nothing is biting me Nothing is burning Someone Disagreed With me And somehow The body reacted As though I might die ... What exactly Was being threatened? The body? No A thought About me An idea Of who I am The person I learned to be And now The ancient alarm Had a new job Protect the person Protect the story Protect the image Protect the name Protect the belief Protect Me Even if nothing Was threatening Life ... Maybe that is why We defend ourselves So quickly Maybe that is why Being wrong Can hurt Maybe that is why We would rather Defend an old belief Than look again Because somewhere Along the way What I believe Became Who I am And questioning One Felt like threatening The other ... But tonight Something strange Is happening I'm looking At the person I learned to be And if I can Look at it If I can hear Its thoughts If I can notice Its fear If I can watch it Trying to protect itself Then... Who Is looking? ... The person Doesn't answer It can't Because for one Quiet second I'm not trying To protect Who I think I am I'm simply Here And then The person whispers What if you lose me? ... And something Even quieter Asks What if I don't need you To survive? ... The person Doesn't like That question The heart Beats faster Because fear Has discovered Its greatest Possible danger Not death The possibility That the thing It has spent A lifetime protecting Was never The Life At all
