I Slapped the Viscount (Chorus) I slapped the Viscount But I did not stab his scribe I slapped the Viscount But I did not stab his scribe (Verse 1) All around the City Watch post They’re hunting for my head They say I spilled the ink and blood Upon the scribe’s own bed But I’m a rogue of principle, or so the story’s read! (Verse 2) Captain Vane always hated me For reasons I can’t divine Every time I find a "lost" purse He says, "That coin is mine!" He said, "Curb his luck before it grows!" And now the dungeon shadow flows. (Chorus) I say, I slapped the Viscount But I did not stab his scribe (Swear by the Raven Queen!) I slapped the Viscount But I did not stab his scribe (Verse 3) Opportunity came my way last night To set the complott right I slipped inside the manor hall Scaling up the garden wall Suddenly I saw the Viscount, standing proud and tall! He reached to pull the alarm bell cord So I slapped him—I didn't use a sword! I say... (Chorus) I slapped the Viscount But I did not stab his scribe (It was a non-lethal strike!) I slapped the Viscount But I did not stab his scribe (Verse 4) I picked the lock of the iron chest To put the conspiracy to rest But the documents were gone, you see? The vault was empty as my plea! Then I saw the scribe, cold and still With a dagger-wound I didn't fill. Then the Watch burst in, right on the cue... What’s a framed thief supposed to do? (Verse 5) Reflexes got the better of me And what is to be, must be Every day the dice roll in the tray One day the Nat 1 comes to play Yes, the bottom of the dungeon starts today! (Chorus) I slapped the Viscount But I did not stab his scribe (I’m a thief, not a butcher!) I slapped the Viscount But I did not stab his scribe (Outro) The scribe was dead before I entered the room... (I didn't stab the scribe) Where’s my Bard when I need a Silver Tongue? (I didn't stab the scribe) Somebody tell the Paladin to get me out of here! (I didn't stab the scribe) I just gave him a little... tactical reprimand...
