[Intro: count-in shouted, drums and guitars blast] One, two, last one, go! [Verse 1: fast, palm-muted] Five years in a Corolla with a glowing plastic hat Know every pothole in this town and every porch that's got a cat The map app sent me in a pond, I said no, it said proceed I got tipped a Jesus pamphlet and a half a bag of weed There's a chihuahua named Butch who has wanted me dead since spring And a dude who answers naked every time like it's a normal thing [Pre-Chorus: guitars ring open] And tonight I'm parking crooked With the hazards blinking on Tell Gary that I'm grateful And tell Gary that I'm gone [Chorus: big harmonies, singalong] I quit tonight! (I quit tonight!) Turn in the roof sign, turn off the light Thermal bag, you were the warmest thing I had But this car's gonna smell like pepperoni till I'm dead [Verse 2: fast, palm-muted] I've been to a thousand birthdays and I never stayed for cake I've stood on a thousand doormats while the family said grace I know your dog, I know your kid, I know which step is loose But to you I'm just a doorbell and a box and a "hey, dude" And the bag stays hot at midnight when the rest of me is cold Yeah, I hug it at the red lights, and I don't give a shit who knows [Pre-Chorus: guitars ring open] So tonight I'm parking crooked With the hazards blinking on Tell Gary that I'm grateful And tell Gary that I'm gone [Chorus: big harmonies, singalong] I quit tonight! (I quit tonight!) Turn in the roof sign, turn off the light Thermal bag, you were the warmest thing I had But this car's gonna smell like pepperoni till I'm dead [Bridge: half-time, quieter, clean guitar] Last ticket of the night is Walt on Maple, small cheese Every Thursday, exact change, and he says "how you doing, Dean?" Only one in five damn years who ever learned my name I tell him that I'm quitting, and he doesn't ask me why Just slaps the doorframe twice and folds a twenty in my hand Says get the hell out of here, kid, and I almost start to cry [Build: drums double back up, gang vocals] Good, kid! Good, kid! Get the hell out of here! Good, kid! Good, kid! Get the hell out of here! [Final Chorus: full speed, crowd singalong] I quit tonight! (I quit tonight!) Turn in the roof sign, turn off the light Thermal bag, you were the warmest thing I had But this car's gonna smell like pepperoni till I'm dead [Final Chorus: last time, everybody] I quit tonight! (I quit tonight!) Windows down on the highway, singing it loud Thermal bag, you were the warmest thing I had And the car still smells like pepperoni, and I'm fucking proud [Outro: guitars ring out, spoken] Gary. The cinnamon sticks are in the trunk. They're mine now.
