HO HO HELL NO ZYRA [Intro — Traditional Christmas Bells, Sweet Female Whisper] It’s the most wonderful time of the year… (Pause) Unless you’re surrounded by idiots. [Record Scratch — Massive 808 Drop] Ho! Ho! HELL NO! (Z-Y-R-A!) [Verse 1 — Fast, Sarcastic Trap-Rap] Wake up, fake smile, Christmas at the door, Got a hundred little problems and a hundred fucking more. Auntie’s asking questions ‘bout my love life again, Uncle’s giving speeches like he’s everybody’s friend. Mom says, “Wear a sweater,” Dad says, “Act your age,” Grandma’s throwing judgment like she’s standing on a stage. Got a plate full of cookies and a head full of stress, Everybody’s got opinions ’bout the way that I dress. Red lips, black nails, looking like a threat, Got a little Christmas attitude they haven’t handled yet. You can keep your perfect picture, keep your matching family bows, If you ask me one more question, everybody’s gonna know! [Pre-Chorus — Sweet Melody, Rising Festive Strings] Smile for the camera, Pretend we’re all okay. Everybody loves December, Till there’s something left to say. [Chorus — Explosive, Catchy Pop-Rap] Ho, ho, hell no! I ain’t putting on a show! Keep your fake little smiles, Keep your perfect Christmas glow! Ho, ho, hell no! Let the whole damn neighborhood know! If you want a little angel, Better find another girl! Oh-oh-oh, let the sleigh bells go, I’m the drama underneath the Christmas snow! Ho, ho, hell no! Baby, that’s a Christmas no! [Post-Chorus — Heavy Trap Drop, Chopped Vocals] Ho! Ho! HELL NO! (Hey!) No-no-no-no! (What?) Jingle-jingle, let it go, I ain’t playing nice no more! Ho! Ho! HELL NO! (Yeah!) Watch me steal the show! Ring-ring, ding-dong, Your perfect Christmas went wrong! [Verse 2 — Lightning-Fast Double-Time Rap] Tick-tock, small talk, everybody’s got a question, Everybody’s got a problem with my latest life decision. “Why you single? Why you different? Why you always dressing black?” Why you always in my business? Baby, let me ask you that! Got a cousin selling skincare, got a neighbor selling dreams, Got a family group chat full of passive-aggressive memes. Everybody’s so religious ’bout the perfect Christmas cheer, Till somebody brings up money and the whole thing disappears. No, I don’t want your advice, don’t want another lecture, Don’t need twenty little strangers tryna paint a perfect picture. I can buy my own presents, I can decorate my tree, And the only thing I really want is everybody letting me be! Red wine, red bow, red flags everywhere, Got a thousand little reasons why I’m pulling out my hair. If the holidays are magical, then here’s my little wish: Can somebody pass the gravy and just mind their fucking business? [Pre-Chorus — Rising Bells and Layered Vocals] Smile for the camera, Pretend we’re all okay. Everybody loves December, Till there’s something left to say. [Chorus — Full Festive Trap Production] Ho, ho, hell no! I ain’t putting on a show! Keep your fake little smiles, Keep your perfect Christmas glow! Ho, ho, hell no! Let the whole damn neighborhood know! If you want a little angel, Better find another girl! Oh-oh-oh, let the sleigh bells go, I’m the drama underneath the Christmas snow! Ho, ho, hell no! Baby, that’s a Christmas no! [Bridge — Music Stops, Sarcastic Spoken Vocals] Oh, look. Another family photo. Everybody smile! (Pause) Aunt Karen, put down the wine. Uncle Steve, stop talking politics. And for the love of Christmas… STOP ASKING ME WHEN I’M GETTING MARRIED! [Explosive Bass Drop] [Final Rap — Aggressive, Fast Rhythmic Delivery] Jingle bells, family hell, everybody’s losing patience, Got a Christmas table full of unsolicited observations. No, I’m not your little angel, not your holiday decoration, I’m the reason that December needs a fucking explanation! Fake cheer, fake love, fake little traditions, Got a thousand little people with a thousand expectations. If you want a perfect Christmas, better lower your demands, ‘Cause I’m bringing all the chaos with a cocktail in my hand! [Final Chorus — Massive Christmas Trap Finale] HO, HO, HELL NO! I ain’t putting on a show! Keep your fake little smiles, Keep your perfect Christmas glow! HO, HO, HELL NO! Let the whole damn neighborhood know! If you want a little angel, Better find another girl! Oh-oh-oh, let the sleigh bells go, I’m the drama underneath the Christmas snow! Ho, ho, hell no! Baby, that’s a Christmas no! [Outro — Soft Bells, Whispered With a Smile] Merry Christmas, everyone. Love you all. (Pause) See you next year. …Unfortunately. (Zyra.)
