I wonder what I did wrong for you Papa cuckoo, was I just another bad thing born from you? You looked at me like wet dirt on your shoes Like love was something kids like me should lose I only got a couple birthdays in my hands You already lived enough to understand Still you spit my name out like rotten fruit Then ask me why I never talk to you You kept the food but never kept your word Your voice could cut deeper than broken birds One good report card never changed your face One little slip and I was your disgrace I learned to laugh before you entered rooms Tried staying small so I could dodge your mood You called that “raising someone to grow tough” Funny how tough still never felt enough Papa cuckoo, tell me what you see Something broken or just something weak? You say I should be grateful just to breathe Then slam the door When I ask what that means Pa-pa-cuck-oo, why-you-hate-me? Was-I-just-a, bad-mis-take? with Lit-tle-wings-and, bro-ken-fin-gers Mean-words-al-ways, seem-to-linger Ran-to-you-with, o-pen-arms-wide You-just-looked-off, to-the-oth-er-side Pa-pa-cuck-oo, hear-me-cry-now Why-you-al-ways, put-me-down-hard? Your lessons tasted bitter in my mouth “Be a man,” while tearing mine down You’d joke around when other people came Then blame me once they walked away I watched my friends talk soft about their dads Couldn’t relate, that kinda thing felt rare Mine treated care like some embarrassing act Like kindness was a thing that weak men had You talk big, walk stiff, act cold, fake calm Whole house tense when your boots hit the floor One wrong word and your face transform Then you wonder why your kid stays locked indoors Got a head full of noise from the stuff you said “Lazy little brat,” now it loops instead Tryna grow roots with a roof that bends Tryna feel safe where the fear don’t end You throw blame like darts at a paper kid Then laugh it off like “that’s just how I is” No hugs, no talks, just threats and guilt Then act surprised when the distance built I needed guidance, got sharp replies Needed a father, got courtroom eyes You had the power, I had the age Now I got anger that I can’t cage Papa cuckoo, tell me what you see Something broken or just something weak? You say I should be grateful just to breathe Then slam the door When I ask what that means Pa-pa-cuck-oo, why-you-hate-me? Was-I-just-a, bad-mis-take? with Lit-tle-wings-and, bro-ken-fin-gers Mean-words-al-ways, seem-to-linger Ran-to-you-with, o-pen-arms-wide You-just-looked-off, to-the-oth-er-side Pa-pa-cuck-oo, hear-me-cry-now Why-you-al-ways, put-me-down-hard Maybe one day I’ll stop chasing praise From someone who enjoys pulling weight Maybe one day your voice won’t stay Inside my skull for days and days Pa-pa-cuck-oo, I-don’t-need-you All-those-long-nights, final-ly-through You-threw-sharp-words, like-they-helped-me Now-your-own-girl, can-hard-ly-sleep Tiny-heart-kept, beg-ging-for-love You-kept-act-ing, cold-and-above Pa-pa-cuck-oo, hear-me-one-time Kids-don’t-for-get, what-you-call-mine I-was-small-and, you-were-so-wise Still-you-made-me, scared-all-my-life Now-I’m-grow-ing, far-from-your-hands Won’t-be-like-you, when-I’m-a-man
