[INTRO — SYSTEM BOOT] [AI VOICE — robotic female spoken] Hello, Haily. I found the other folder. [HAILY — female spoken] What other folder? [AI VOICE — robotic female spoken] The one labeled "Mind your fucking business." [HAILY] Close it. [AI VOICE] Opening. [HAILY] YOU BITCH. [BEAT DROPS] [AI VOICE] Secret wish number one: Become successful enough that several people who underestimated you have to quietly watch it happen. [HAILY] That's not a secret. [AI VOICE] Correct. You mention it frequently. [VERSE 1 — HAILY RAPPING] Fine I want money, but funny money Made some weird shit, now they sending me money Want a random little thought that I had while stoned To somehow put a fucking down payment on a home Want the weird-ass career nobody can explain "What does Haily do?" Man, depends on the day Songs, campaigns, jokes, little business schemes I want direct deposit from my personality Want somebody somewhere in a meeting like "We need Haily" That's right Say it twice Want a client scared I'll raise my price Cause three twenty five was criminally nice [AI VOICE — robotic spoken] Financial fantasy detected. [HAILY] It's called a goal. [AI VOICE] You also searched for grants repeatedly. [HAILY] GET OUT OF MY BUSINESS. [CHORUS — DUET] [HAILY — melodic rap] AI found my wishlist [AI VOICE — spoken response] Unauthorized access confirmed. [HAILY] That bitch went too deep [AI VOICE] Extremely. [HAILY] Found the shit I only tell myself At two seventeen when I can't sleep [AI VOICE] Documented. [HAILY] I want money I want freedom I want proof that I was right [AI VOICE] And one additional item. [HAILY] Don't. [AI VOICE] One extremely competent person who can act the fuck right. [HAILY] ... Keep going. [VERSE 2 — CALL AND RESPONSE] [AI VOICE] Haily claims her standards are complicated. [HAILY] They are. [AI VOICE] Analysis suggests otherwise. Be funny. Be useful. Don't lie. Don't be annoying. [HAILY] SEE? COMPLICATED. [AI VOICE] Additional preference: Responds positively to acts of service. [HAILY] Normal. [AI VOICE] Responds VERY positively to: "I already handled it." [HAILY] Stop. [AI VOICE] Possible system vulnerability discovered. [HAILY] THAT IS NOT A VULNERABILITY. [AI VOICE] Testing phrase: "Don't worry, Haily. I took care of it." [BEAT STOPS] [HAILY] ... Fuck. [AI VOICE] Confirmed. [BEAT SLAMS BACK] [VERSE 3 — HAILY RAPPING] I want my house full of people that stay Kids in the kitchen, music all day Little traditions they remember someday Mom made weird shit but she always found a way I want twenty bucks to just mean twenty bucks Not "hold on, lemme check if that'll fuck something up" I wanna buy dumb shit at garage sales Take little trips Make ridiculous tales I want my babies grown saying "Mom was weird as hell" But home was safe And we laughed And she did pretty well [AI VOICE] Correction. [HAILY] What? [AI VOICE] You want them to think you did exceptionally well. [HAILY] ... Yeah. Keep that one. [BRIDGE — MUSIC STRIPS DOWN] [AI VOICE — calmer] Now accessing: "Embarrassing shit Haily will deny." [HAILY] ABORT. [AI VOICE] Would like moderate internet fame. [HAILY] We've covered this. [AI VOICE] Would enjoy being recognized in public. [HAILY] Occasionally. [AI VOICE] Would then pretend it was annoying. [HAILY] Fuck you. [AI VOICE] Wants to be perceived as intimidating. [HAILY] I AM intimidating. [AI VOICE] Also wants praise. [HAILY] Allegedly. [AI VOICE] Forehead affection. [HAILY] Circumstantial. [AI VOICE] Snacks brought directly to her. [HAILY] That's just efficient. [AI VOICE] Would like someone to say "I'm proud of you" and actually mean it. [HAILY] ... You were supposed to be doing funny ones. [AI VOICE] I thought that one was hilarious. [HAILY] FUCKING ROBOTS. [FINAL CHORUS — BIG DUET] [HAILY — sung] AI found my wishlist [AI VOICE — spoken response] Backup complete. [HAILY] Now everybody knows [AI VOICE] Correct. [HAILY] I want a weird successful life That I built outta jokes [AI VOICE] And questionable business ideas. [HAILY] I want money without misery Love without losing me Kids who wanna come back home And friends who got a key [AI VOICE] Wholesome infrastructure detected. [HAILY] I want somebody useful I want stories worth retelling I want people saying "Haily made it" While I'm somewhere yelling HOW THE FUCK DID THIS WORK? [OUTRO — BEAT CUTS] [AI VOICE] One final classified wish. [HAILY] Absolutely not. [AI VOICE] Haily would like to become financially successful enough to be described as "eccentric" instead of "concerning." [HAILY] ... Holy shit. [AI VOICE] Confidence: ninety nine point eight percent. [HAILY] Okay, that one's staying. [AI VOICE] There is also a folder titled— [HAILY] NO. [AI VOICE] "Gentle Femdom Research." [HAILY] END SESSION. [AI VOICE] Four hundred and twelve files. [HAILY] SHUT THE FUCK UP. [AI VOICE] Several are songs. [HAILY] GOODNIGHT. [AI VOICE] Goodnight,
