You said… “I miss the old you.” … Yeah. I miss her too. More than you know. Lately… I keep wondering where she went. Because I swear… I was just laughing. I was okay. And then… Something changed. It was something small. Probably nothing to anybody else. A word. A look. Something you said. And there it was. That feeling. Fuck. Not this again. I tried to ignore it. Keep talking. Keep smiling. Act normal. Whatever normal even means. But I could feel myself changing. My thoughts got loud. And suddenly… I wasn’t listening to you anymore. I was listening to everything inside my head. There’s this fear haunting me again. I thought it was gone. I thought… Maybe this time I finally left it behind. But there it was. Waiting. Like it never really left. You miss the old me? Yeah… I miss me too. I miss laughing without wondering when it’s all gonna change. You miss the old me? God… I do too. Because this fear keeps pulling me back into everything I thought I moved through. You miss the old me? Yeah… I miss me too. There it is. There I go. Again. There it is. There I go. Again. Ghost Girl… There you are. Then came the memories. One. Then another. Then another. Shit. Here we go. Something from years ago sitting right beside something from yesterday. And somehow my brain made them the same thing. Words. Faces. Arguments. Goodbyes. Things I should’ve said. Things I wish I never said. Things people said to me that apparently… I never fucking forgot. And there I was. Sitting in the same room… But nowhere near it. I could feel myself changing. I could hear it in my voice. Quiet. Then angry. Then sad. Then… I don’t even know. I just wasn’t me. There’s this fear haunting me again. I know this feeling. God… I know this feeling. Every time I think it’s gone… Something brings it back again. You miss the old me? Yeah… I miss me too. I miss laughing without wondering when it’s all gonna change. You miss the old me? God… I do too. Because this fear keeps pulling me back into everything I thought I moved through. You miss the old me? Yeah… I miss me too. There it is. There I go. Again. There it is. There I go. Again. Ghost Girl… There you are. And the fucked up part? I knew. I knew while it was happening. Like… Kay. Come on. Don’t do this. Don’t go there. Not again. But I was already there. Then later… Of course… I replayed everything. What did I say? What did they say? Did I take it wrong? Did I make it worse? Should I apologize? Should I explain? Should I just leave everybody alone? Around… And around… And around… Remember this? Yeah. Remember that? Yeah. Remember how that felt? Fuck. Yeah. I remember. I remember all of it. And somewhere in all that noise… There she was. Ghost Girl. Not saying anything. Just… there. Like she knew. Like she’d been waiting for me to end up here again. Hey… Ghost Girl. Been a minute. … Actually. No it hasn’t. You miss the old me? Yeah… I miss me too. I miss the girl who was laughing before one little thing changed everything. You miss the old me? God… I do too. Because this fear is haunting me again. And I’m tired. God… I’m tired. You miss the old me? Yeah… I know. I miss me too. There it is. There I go. Again. There it is. There I go. Again. Ghost Girl… There you are. Maybe that’s the hardest part. People miss me when I disappear. But sometimes… I’m still standing right in front of them. And I miss me too. … Love, Ghost Girl
