The Old Battle Ax

[Intro - Male Spoken] "Wife just left me, Was a total shock, Busted my neck So I can't work no more She got bored What da Fuck am I gonna do now?" [Chorus] I'm mighty pissed off I'm really FUCKIN cross, man! She should've left me thirty years ago Ohh, it's so nice now Can you imagine the peace I've had? I could've had it for thirty years! [Verse 1] The air is so tranquil, now I don't have to hear her moan She took all my money, still ten times better off livin' in this box In my cardboard box With the dog I mean, it beats livin' with the old Bitch The old battle ax, ya know what I mean? [Interlude] I'd like to thank numbnuts for the inspiration for this song [Chorus] I'm mighty pissed off I'm really FUCKIN cross, man! She should've left me thirty years ago Ohh, it's so nice now Can you imagine the peace I've had? I could've had it for thirty years! [Verse 2} The air is so tranquil, now I don't have to hear her moan She took all my money, still ten times better off livin' in this box In my cardboard box With the dog [Verse 3] I mean, it beats livin' with the old Bitch The old battle ax, ya know what I mean? [Verse 4] I'm so glad she's gone Thank God she's gone I mean, I'm mighty cross She didn't leave 30 years ago [Chorus] My wife finally left me She took all my money and everything I guess she was really meant for me 'Cause everything for me Oh, it's so peaceful and quiet My piece of heaven is in silence She's mess-free and free of violence If she left thirty years ago, I'd be with pirates [Verse] My wife left me, I'm happy Caught her and this man in the backseat Me and my dog out, we eat wagyu patties The best part? That dog didn't rat me My wife left me, best day of my life, trapped me Had me held hostage and snapped me It's funny 'cause it's not funny 'cause my dog also left me (Damn) It ain't goo 'cause it shit went great, now I live unhealthy (Healthy) But it's like a salary The best part— it was tax-free And we living on a cracked beach Oh, wait, here comе my dog (Oh my God) Onе day, he came back to me One day, you came back to me (Came back to me, baby) If we had millions, it's me and he (Millions, it's me and he) Well, you guys might know him Literally Right, best dog, best dog, please move Best dog on Earth And she's also the best dog Get it, get it, get it [Pre-Chorus] Best part? I'm happy I live in a box, I'm blackly No stress, just zig laughing If she left thirty years ago, I'd be with monkeys [Outro] My wife finally left 30 years too late I dodged a bullet When all her teeth fall out And her hair So damn lucky I don't have to see that So I'm living in paradise In a box with my dog On the beach Livin like Kings Dog chasing seagulls I can piss in the dunes Don't have to vacuum Or clean the toilet Go fishin off the wharf Happy as a dog with 2 tails Living in paradise Single and free **Massive Laughing** [END]