(Verse 1) I said, “This year I’m eatin’ clean, gonna treat my body right,” Had a salad in my hand… then boom—Thanksgiving night. Turkey, taters, gravy boats floatin’ straight into my face, And suddenly my diet disappeared without a trace. (Chorus) ’Cause every time we try to eat healthy, Here comes a holiday wreckin’ our stealthy Little plan to be skinny, strong, and wealthy… Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter— They tag-team like they’re wrestlers! Then summer shows up sayin’ “BBQ, baby!” Even Tuesday’s like, “Eat carbs, don’t blame me!” Every time we try to eat healthy… The whole dang calendar ruins it for us! (Verse 2) I tried kale again on Monday, nearly cried right on the spot, Then Friday rolled in smilin’, sayin’, “Girl, you know you want tots.” Easter shows with chocolate eggs like some sugar-coated dealer, And Valentine’s Day whispers, “Eat the candy, you sexy healer.” (Pre-Chorus) New Year’s Resolution? I don’t trust that liar. By January 5th I’m deep in queso by the fire. (Chorus) ’Cause every time we try to eat healthy, There’s a celebration workin’ real stealthy, Sneakin’ up with cookies stacked unhealthy— Fourth of July with that smoky temptation, Labor Day grill like a fatty vacation. Even random Fridays say, “French fries or bust!” And my birthday screams, “EAT CAKE—YOU MUST!” Every time we try to eat healthy… Life swings by with snacks and ruins it for us! (Bridge) I planned a cleanse on Wednesday, but then I remembered: Wednesday comes after Tuesday, and tacos are forever. Then Saturday joins in shoutin’, “BRUNCH, BRUNCH, BRUNCH!” Next thing I know I’m eatin’ fried chicken for lunch. (Final Chorus) Every time we try to eat healthy, The universe mutters, “Nah, that’s unhealthy,” Throws a donut at my face—real stealthy. Holidays, weekends, weekdays, too… Honestly, ANY day ends up “Food Day,” it’s true. So I’ll eat one more slice—okay three, don’t judge— ’Cause the calendar’s a bully and I’m holdin’ a grudge! Every time we try to eat healthy… Life shows up with snacks and ruins it for us!
