[Intro: Spoken Male Voice] Mmm... Wait... What the hell is THIS? This doesn't even LOOK like the picture! Look at the poster! Huge! Juicy! Perfect cheese! And this? This looks like somebody SAT ON IT! [Short Silence] [Male Rage Scream] ARE YOU KIDDING MEEEE?! [Massive Groove Riff with Melodic Twin Guitar Lead] [Verse 1: Rough Male Vocal] I saw the picture on the wall, thought I'd get the king of them all. Golden bun, cheese running down, biggest damn burger in the whole damn town. Then they put this thing in my hand, and suddenly I understand: The picture lied, my dreams just died— MY BURGER LOOKS TERRIFIED! [Male Shout] LOOK AT THIS THING! [Pre-Chorus] Tell me WHY?! Why does the picture look so good? Why doesn't mine look like it should? [Chorus: Huge Clean Male Vocal] NOT LIKE THE PICTURE! NOT LIKE THE PICTURE! On the billboard, work of art— in my hands, it falls apart! NOT LIKE THE PICTURE! It used to cost a single euro— NOW IT'S THREE AND HALF THE SIZE! [Male Scream] THREE EUUUUROOOO?! [Fast Melodic Twin Guitar Solo] [Verse 2: Heavy Groove] Back in the day: ONE EURO! Now I see the price and read the damn thing twice. Three over here, five over there— Soon I'll need a bank loan just to eat somewhere! Cold little fries, sad little meat— Where the hell is the food I ordered to eat?! I lift the bun, I look inside— HELLO?! IS THE BURGER TRYING TO HIDE?! [Male Rage Shout] COME OUT, YOU COWARD! [Breakdown: Gang Vocals] FAST FOOD! FAST PRICE! FAST REGRET! NOT SO NICE! BIG PICTURE! SMALL MEAL! WHERE THE HELL IS THE DEAL?! [Harmonized Guitar Solo] [Chorus] NOT LIKE THE PICTURE! NOT LIKE THE PICTURE! The advertisement screams: “I'M PERFECT!” My burger whispers: “Please... don't inspect it.” NOT LIKE THE PICTURE! Everything costs more each year— AND SOMEHOW TASTES WORSE THAN BEFORE! [Half-Time Riff] [Spoken Male Voice] That's it. Maybe I should find a woman who'll cook me a proper dinner. [Female Voice, Dry] You could learn to cook yourself. [Male Voice] Yeah... but that sounds like work. [Female Voice] Correct. [Male Shout] DAMMIT! [Verse 3: Male Spoken/Rough Vocal] Maybe she could do the shopping. [Female Voice] You have legs. [Male Voice] Maybe she could wash the dishes. [Female Voice] You have hands. [Male Voice] Maybe she could clean the kitchen. [Female Voice] You made the mess. [Male Voice] Maybe she could bring me a beer? [Female Voice] You know where the fridge is. [Male Voice] At least make me a sandwich! [Female Voice] Make your own damn sandwich. [Short Silence] [Male Rage Scream] FIIIIINE! I'LL DO IT MYSELF! [Fast Technical Melodic Guitar Solo] [Verse 4: Heavy Groove] So I bought a pan, a knife, a pot. Watched one cooking video— How hard could it be? Five minutes later: ONIONS BLACK! SMOKE ALARM HAVING A HEART ATTACK! Pasta hard! Sauce on fire! My neighbor screams: “CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!” [Male Extreme Scream] NOOOOO! I'M MAKING DINNER! [Female Voice] You're proving my point. [Male Shout] NOT NOW! [Extended Soaring Guitar Solo] [Bridge: Soaring Clean Male Vocal] But one day I will rise! No more burgers built on lies! Double meat! Extra cheese! I'LL BUILD IT EXACTLY HOW I PLEASE! No perfect lights! No photo tricks! And if my homemade burger looks like crap— AT LEAST I KNOW IT'S NOT A TRAP! [Female Voice] And who's cleaning the kitchen? [Music Stops] [Male Voice] ... The woman? [Female Voice] Try again. [Male Voice] Me? [Female Voice] Good boy. [Male Shout] OH, COME ON! [Double-Bass Build] [Final Chorus] NOT LIKE THE PICTURE! NOT LIKE THE PICTURE! No fake perfection, no disguise! GIVE ME THE BURGER I SAW WITH MY EYES! NOT LIKE THE PICTURE! Yesterday one euro, today it's three— FROM NOW ON I'LL COOK FOR ME! [Female Voice] Finally! [Gang Vocals] NOT LIKE! NOT LIKE! NOT LIKE THE PICTURE! [Final Epic Harmonized Guitar Solo] [Final Breakdown] [Spoken Male Voice] You know... Cooking isn't actually that difficult. [Female Voice] I told you. [Male Voice] Don't ruin the moment. How much did all these ingredients cost? [Pause] Fourteen euros? [Female Voice] Yep. [Male Massive High Scream] FOOOOOOURTEEN EUUUUROOOOO?! [Female Voice, Calm] Welcome to adulthood. [Huge Final Chord]
