[Intro — warm electric piano, soft saxophone, gentle drums] Seven months... Seven beautiful months... Of planning... [Verse 1 — sweet, melodic, deceptively sincere] Seven months of planning, That's what Arthur said, But ask him about child support, And suddenly the conversation's dead. He had a dream, he had a vision, A carefully considered plan, But nobody knows the details, Not even our family man. [Pre-Chorus — soaring harmonies] And somewhere in the silence, There's a question hanging there, If you've thought of everything, Why's nobody getting anywhere? [Chorus — sweeping, romantic, absurdly earnest] When you're caught between a baby and a seven-month scheme, And nobody knows what the fuck you mean, When the questions start, you disappear, Congratulations, Arthur, Dad of the Year! Oh, Arthur's scheme, What a beautiful mystery, Seven months to make a dream come true, And not one answer coming through! [Verse 2 — dreamy, increasingly ridiculous] He talks about lactation, Like it's poetry in motion, Breast-milk ice cream recipes, With such heartfelt devotion. There's so much fascination, With everything dairy-themed, But ask him about visitation, And suddenly he's lost the dream. [Pre-Chorus 2 — lush harmonies] And I don't know what they've discussed, When nobody else was there, But seven months of planning, Should leave something you can share. [Chorus — fuller harmonies, saxophone fills] When you're caught between a baby and a seven-month scheme, And nobody knows what the fuck you mean, When the questions start, you disappear, Congratulations, Arthur, Dad of the Year! Oh, Arthur's scheme, What a beautiful mystery, Seven months to make a dream come true, And not one answer coming through! [Bridge — emotional piano, soaring vocals] Maybe there's a spreadsheet, Maybe there's a chart, Maybe all the answers Are written on his heart. Maybe there's a nursery, Maybe there's a name, Maybe there's a seven-month plan That nobody can explain. [Soft spoken interruption] Arthur... Is this a family you're planning... Or a fucking dairy franchise? [Instrumental swell — dramatic saxophone flourish] [Final Chorus — big emotional finale] When you're caught between a baby and a seven-month scheme, And nobody knows what the fuck you mean, When the questions start, you disappear, Congratulations, Arthur, Dad of the Year! Oh, Arthur's scheme, Such a beautiful mystery, Seven months of planning, what a sight, And we're still asking questions tonight! [Outro — soft electric piano, whispered harmonies] Seven months of planning... Seven months of dreams... Seven months of wondering... What the fuck was Arthur's scheme?
