# NEITHER ONE'S ON MY SIDE **Skulls & Spades | Explicit** *Genre: Outlaw Country / Southern Rock / Political Satire* [Intro – Spoken, TV Static, Acoustic Guitar] "This election is the most important election of our lifetime!" Yeah, that's what you said last time. "And the time before that!" **DING!** Oh, for fuck's sake... [Verse 1 – Sarcastic, Laid-Back] Woke up Sunday, poured some coffee, Turned the television on, Some asshole in a thousand-dollar suit Said everything I love was gone. Said his rival hates my freedom, Said he's fighting for my rights, Then the other bastard bought an ad To tell me why the first one's full of shite. One wears red, the other blue, Both got something they want me to do, One wants money, one wants trust, Both keep promising to fight for us. [Pre-Chorus – Building] I don't need another lecture, Don't need another sign, I just want to watch the hockey game Without somebody buying my time! [Chorus – Full Band, Rowdy] Red team, blue team, Same old circus, different screams! Point your fingers, sling your mud, Tell me how you're saving us! You want my vote, you want my dime, You want another minute of my time! Well, here's a message, loud and wide— **NEITHER ONE'S ON MY FUCKING SIDE!** [Verse 2 – Bouncy Country Groove] **DING!** "Hi, this is Senator Johnson, And I'm personally reaching out!" Well, that's impressive, Senator, Since I blocked your ass last night! **DING!** "Democracy is in danger!" **DING!** "We desperately need your help!" **DING!** "Can we count on your donation?" CAN I COUNT ON YOU TO GO FUCK YOURSELF?! Blocked the number, marked it spam, Three seconds later, here they come again! Different number, same old plea, How the hell'd they get ahold of me?! [Pre-Chorus – Drums Building] My phone's got fifty blocked campaigns, My inbox looks like hell, If I get one more donation text, I'm throwing this thing down a well! [Chorus – Bigger, Gang Vocals] Red team, blue team, Same old circus, different screams! Point your fingers, sling your mud, Tell me how you're saving us! You want my vote, you want my dime, You want another minute of my time! Well, here's a message, loud and wide— **NEITHER ONE'S ON MY FUCKING SIDE!** [Verse 3 – Faster, Comedic Escalation] Went online to watch a video, Some guy repairing his Chevrolet, Before he even touched the engine, A campaign ad got in the way. Switched to music, same damn story, Switched to sports, another speech, Went outside to mow the lawn, Found campaign signs up and down my street! Turned the radio off, threw the paper out, Told the neighbor I don't wanna shout, But he started talking politics, So I turned around and went back in! [Spoken Interruption – Music Cuts] "This message was paid for by Citizens for—" NOPE! [Electric Guitar Riff] [Bridge – Slower, Almost Sincere] I don't need a perfect president, Don't need a golden throne, Don't need a stranger on my television Telling me how to run my home. I've got bills that need some paying, I've got people that I love, And I'm tired of all the shouting From the folks who claim to speak for us. [Brief Silence] **DING!** "Hi! Have you decided who you're voting for?" [Spoken, Deadpan] Yeah. The fucking mute button. [Final Chorus – Explosive Southern Rock] RED TEAM! BLUE TEAM! SAME OLD CIRCUS, DIFFERENT SCREAMS! Shake your fists and wave your flags, Fill my mailbox full of crap! You want my vote, you want my dime, You've interrupted me a thousand times! I don't need another battle cry— **NEITHER ONE'S ON MY FUCKING SIDE!** Red team! Blue team! Take your ads off my damn screen! I ain't joining your parade, I ain't buying what you're paid to say! Go on and fight, go on and whine, Just leave me out of it tonight! I've got one thing left to say— **GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SATURDAY!** [Outro – Acoustic Guitar, Peaceful Birds Chirping] Finally... No television. No internet. No political bullshit. Just me, my fishing pole, and a little peace and quiet. [Long Pause] **DING!** "Hi! This is your local campaign representative—" [Sound of Phone Splashing Into Water] ... [Quietly] Worth it. [Announcer – Overly Cheerful] "This song was paid for by the Committee to Leave Me the Hell Alone." [End]
