Verse 1) Clock in at nine, badge on my chest, Boss thinks I’m grindin’, but I’m feelin’ distressed. Coffee hit hard, gut’s startin’ to churn, Gotta find a stall ‘fore the fire starts to burn. (Pre-Chorus) HR says “productivity,” I say “hold my call,” Nature’s knockin’ loud, and I’m answerin’ it all. (Chorus) I’m takin’ a shit on company time, Paid by the hour, this throne is mine! Scrollin’ through memes while the payroll climbs, Droppin’ a deuce on company time! (Verse 2) Cubicle warriors tappin’ away, I’m in the corner stall, livin’ the dream today. Air freshener spray, courtesy of the firm, Every flush is a bonus, every wipe is earned. (Bridge) They track my keystrokes, monitor my screen, But they can’t clock this—my porcelain regime. Ten minutes of bliss, call it “mental health break,” Boss wants results? Here’s the splash I make! (Chorus) I’m takin’ a shit on company time, Overtime logs gonna look real fine! Quarterly profits in the bowl they’ll find, I’m takin’ a shit on company time! (Outro) So raise up your rolls, let the paper unfurl, In the battle of bowels, I’m king of the world. When the TPS reports start to climb… I’ll be takin’ a shit on company time!
