Half a Scaramucci

🎸 HALF A SCARAMUCCI The Five-Day White House Honky-Tonk [Intro — Spoken, deep country drawl] Well, pull up a chair, boys, I’ve got a story to tell, About a Washington job that didn’t go so well. She walked in Monday thinking, “I’m gonna run this show!” By Friday, they were saying, “Katie, it’s time to go!” Five days in the big house, now ain’t that a sight? Her career was shorter than a Friday payday night! [Verse 1] Katie Zacharia got the call, said, “Pack your bags and come!” A brand-new press secretary, second to none. She walked into the briefing room, cameras all aglow, But answering those questions turned into quite a show! The reporters started asking, the questions came around, Fourteen minutes later, she was nowhere to be found. She’d barely warmed the podium, barely learned the place, Before the whole darn internet was talking about her case! [Chorus] 🎵 She’s Half a Scaramucci, a five-day wonder gal, Went to Washington a winner, came back home a headline pal! She didn’t last a full week, didn’t get a chance to stay, By the time she found the coffee, they were showing her the way! Half a Scaramucci, now that’s a record run, Five days in the spotlight, then the party’s done! She came in with a title and she left with quite a tale, The shortest White House honeymoon this side of a jail! 🎵 [Verse 2] Now the questions turned to law school, the bar exam came to light, Fox News wanted answers, and the headlines took flight. She said she’d studied law and worked abroad somewhere, But passing that California bar? She said she wasn’t there! Now I’m no lawyer, boys, I won’t pretend to be, But when the press starts asking, that’s a rough place to be! She tried to clear the record, explain it all just right, But the story grew like kudzu on a humid Southern night! [Chorus] 🎵 She’s Half a Scaramucci, a five-day wonder gal, Went to Washington a winner, came back home a headline pal! She didn’t last a full week, didn’t get a chance to stay, By the time she found the coffee, they were showing her the way! Half a Scaramucci, now that’s a record run, Five days in the spotlight, then the party’s done! She came in with a title and she left with quite a tale, The shortest White House honeymoon this side of a jail! 🎵 [Verse 3] Trump said, “Katie, think it over, maybe this ain’t for you.” The press was asking questions, and the whole world wanted news. She’d just learned where the podium was, where the cameras stand, Now she’s got a whole lot more free time than she ever planned! Her coffee mug’s still sitting, her nameplate’s on the shelf, She could tell her next employer, “I learned a lot about myself!” Put five days on the résumé, let the hiring manager see: “I’ve got White House experience—just don’t ask for week three!” [Bridge — Slow steel guitar, dramatic country voice] Oh, Washington, Washington, you fickle old town, You build a woman’s ladder, then you pull the whole thing down. One day you’re the spokesperson, standing proud and tall, Next day you’re explaining why you barely worked at all. Now Scaramucci had eleven days, and folks still know his name, Katie cut that record nearly right in half and joined the fame. They say the cream will rise, but here’s a lesson for us all: Sometimes you don’t get a long career to make a big-time call! [Final Chorus — Full band, fiddle blazing] 🎵 She’s HALF A SCARAMUCCI, the five-day wonder gal! Had a shorter White House run than a one-night country ball! She came in on a Monday, by Friday she was through, Now the punchlines are a-plenty and the memes are brand-new! Half a Scaramucci, let that steel guitar ring! Five days in the briefing room, now she’s remembered for the thing! She may have lost the podium, but she’ll always have the claim: She turned five days in Washington into nationwide fame! 🎵 [Outro — Spoken, with a laugh] Well, folks, remember this: in Washington, D.C., Job security’s about as strong as a screen door in a hurricane! Five days on the job, Four nights of sleep, Three press questions, Two packed bags, And one brand-new country hit! Katie, honey, no hard feelings… But next time, ask for a six-day trial period! HALF A SCARAMUCCI! YEE-HAW! 🤠