The Campaign Went To Hell

Vallin

folk-metal, Wild West outlaw rock, bardcore

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# THE CAMPAIGN WENT TO HELL
### The Ballad of Seven Beautiful Disasters
*Performed by Vallin Aetherion*

**[INTRO — SPOKEN DM | Saloon Piano, Wind Whistling, Dice Rolling]**

**DM:** "Alright, everyone! Welcome to tonight's campaign!"

**DM:** "We're going Wild West! Gunslingers, outlaws, dusty roads, high noon duels, and dangerous bounties!"

**DM:** "Try to stay in character, and PLEASE follow the story."

**Vallin:** "Oh, this oughta be good..."

*[Revolver cylinder spins. A single guitar string twangs.]*

**DM:** "You find yourselves in a dusty frontier town..."

**Vallin:** "And that's where everything went wrong."

**[VERSE 1 — HIGH NOON DISASTER | Galloping Drums, Western Guitar Riff]**

The sun was high, the streets were bare,
Two outlaws stood with deadly stares!
Yashoku grinned, I tipped my hat,
One wrong move and we'd both go SPLAT!

My fingers twitched beside my gun,
The duel of legends had begun!
The townsfolk hid, the church bells rang,
But then behind us—

**SERAS:** "BANG!"

*[GUNSHOT! Music abruptly stops.]*

**Vallin:** "SERAS! WE HAVEN'T EVEN DRAWN YET!"

**Seras:** "Oops."

And through the dust came Purple's stride,
With mischief burning in her eyes!
One duel became a three-way mess,
And not one soul could tell who's next!

**[PRE-CHORUS — BUILDING CHAOS]**

The dice were rolling, the rules were bent,
The DM's precious plot was spent!
Three guns drawn beneath the sun,
And somehow we'd only just begun!

**[CHORUS — FULL ROCK EXPLOSION]**

OH, THE CAMPAIGN WENT TO HELL TONIGHT!
Seven fools and a tavern fight!
We came for gold, for blood, for fame,
But nobody's playing the bloody game!

Raise your tankards! Roll your dice!
Common sense has paid the price!
From cowboy guns to vampire spells,
WE SENT THIS CAMPAIGN STRAIGHT TO HELL!

**[VERSE 2 — THE VAMPIRE QUEEN | Playful Fiddle, Heavy Bass]**

Now Yashoku had a silver tongue,
And Seras caught him having fun!
He flashed a grin, he made his play,
And flirted all the plot away!

**Yashoku:** "Well, hello there, beautiful."

**Seras:** "Careful, cowboy."

One little wink, one charming line,
Then suddenly the stars aligned!
Her crimson eyes began to gleam,
And Seras seized the royal scene!

The saloon went dark, the candles died,
A throne appeared with gothic pride!
She crossed her legs, she raised her chin,
And wore a wicked monarch's grin!

**Seras:** "I am your Vampire Queen."

**Seras:** "And you WILL kneel before me."

**Vallin:** "I'M SORRY, WHEN DID WE CHANGE GENRES?!"

**[VERSE 3 — BROOKE, THE QUEEN'S ENFORCER | Driving Guitar, War Drums]**

Then Brooke came crawling through the door,
A feline menace on the floor!
With mismatched eyes and tattooed skin,
She flashed her fangs and gave a grin!

The Queen declared, "Make them obey!"
And Brooke went prowling straight away!
With twitching ears and swishing tail,
She made our cowboy courage fail!

**Brooke:** "You heard the Queen! Everybody DOWN!"

**Vallin:** "I ain't kneeling!"

**Brooke:** "Wanna bet?"

**Vallin:** "...I might reconsider."

**[PRE-CHORUS — COMEDIC BREAKDOWN]**

The sheriff's gone, the laws are dead,
The DM's banging on his head!
The Queen has minions, Brooke has claws,
And nobody remembers the original cause!

**[CHORUS — LOUDER, WITH TAVERN CHOIR]**

OH, THE CAMPAIGN WENT TO HELL TONIGHT!
Seven fools and a tavern fight!
We came for gold, for blood, for fame,
But nobody's playing the bloody game!

Raise your tankards! Roll your dice!
Common sense has paid the price!
From cowboy guns to vampire spells,
WE SENT THIS CAMPAIGN STRAIGHT TO HELL!

**[VERSE 4 — THE BEAUTY CRITICAL HIT | Fast Bardcore Folk-Rock]**

Now Yashoku and I were holding strong,
Until the ladies came along!
One lovely smile, one tempting glance,
And both our brains abandoned chance!

Seras ruled with crimson grace,
Purple had that devilish face!
Brooke's wild grin could steal your breath,
And beauty struck us both to death!

**Vallin:** "Brother... I'm losing blood..."

**Yashoku:** "Same here... critical damage..."

*[Two exaggerated thuds.]*

Then Sukkoto came with healing hands,
The sweetest medic in the lands!
She saw us sprawled upon the ground,
And rushed to bring our pulses round!

**Sukkoto:** "OH NO! THEY'RE DYING!"

She knelt beside us, full of dread,
And tried to raise us from the dead!
A little CPR, a desperate plea—

**Vallin:** "I THINK I'M DYING HAPPILY!"

**Yashoku:** "DON'T STOP! I'M STILL AT ZERO HP!"

**DM:** "YOU TWO AREN'T EVEN IN COMBAT!"

**[VERSE 5 — SARA ENTERS THE PARTY | Bouncy Lute, Fiddle, Electric Guitar]**

And just when things could not get worse,
The heavens dropped another curse!
With pastel hair and sparkling eyes,
Sara arrived to claim her prize!

A cyber angel dressed in black,
With pink and blue cascading back!
She saw the Queen upon her throne,
And made her own intentions known!

**Sara:** "Ooooh, Seras! You're gorgeous!"

**Seras:** "Excuse me?"

**Sara:** "COME HERE, YOUR MAJESTY!"

She chased the ladies through the hall,
And left us laughing through it all!
She wanted beauty, not a quest,
And Seras seemed to top her list!

**Vallin:** "THE QUEEN IS BEING PURSUED!"

**Brooke:** "Should I stop her?"

**Seras:** "BROOKE! DO SOMETHING!"

**Sara:** "WAIT FOR ME, PRETTY LADY!"

*[Wild fiddle solo, running footsteps, laughter.]*

**[BRIDGE — THE DM'S BREAKING POINT | Music Drops to a Single Lute]**

**DM:** "Okay... can we PLEASE get back to the campaign?"

**Vallin:** "Absolutely."

**Yashoku:** "Of course."

**DM:** "Thank you."

**Yashoku:** "But first, I'm cooking steak."

*[Silence.]*

**DM:** "...You're WHAT?"

**[VERSE 6 — THE LEGENDARY STEAK BREAK | Saloon Piano, Tavern Folk Groove]**

The guns went down, the fire was lit,
Yashoku said, "I've had enough of this!"
He grabbed a pan, he found some flame,
And turned our quest into a cooking game!

The sizzling beef, the herbs, the spice,
The smell alone was paradise!
The Queen got steak, and Brooke got fed,
While Sara chased the Queen instead!

Purple laughed and raised a glass,
The whole damn storyline could pass!
We gathered round that glorious feast,
Our blood loss finally had ceased!

**Vallin:** "Yashoku, my brother, that's a fine steak."

**Yashoku:** "Medium rare, just how legends are made."

**DM:** "THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A TRAIN ROBBERY!"

**Vallin:** "Well, now there's dinner."

**[VERSE 7 — SUKKOTO'S DOWNFALL | Playful Acoustic Guitar, Handclaps]**

Now Sukkoto sat so sweet and shy,
A gentle sparkle in her eyes!
Yashoku leaned and caught my stare,
Two wicked grins were hanging there!

**Yashoku:** "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

**Vallin:** "Oh, absolutely."

We flanked our healer, left and right,
And watched her blush beneath the light!
A compliment, a playful tease,
She hid her face and begged us, "Please!"

I kissed her cheek, he kissed the other,
We grinned like fools at one another!
Her face turned red, her thoughts took flight,
Our little medic lost the fight!

**Sukkoto:** "Y-YOU TWO! THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

**Vallin:** "What? We're just thanking our healer!"

**Yashoku:** "Excellent bedside manner."

**Sukkoto:** "I'M GOING TO FAINT!"

**Vallin:** "ROLL A CONSTITUTION SAVE!"

*[Dice tumble.]*

**DM:** "Natural one."

*[Everyone bursts into laughter.]*

**[FINAL CHORUS — FULL ENSEMBLE, MAXIMUM ENERGY]**

OH, THE CAMPAIGN WENT TO HELL TONIGHT!
No one cared who won the fight!
A Vampire Queen, a feline scout,
A pastel hunter chasing about!

A cowboy chef, a healer's blush,
A purple beauty causing a rush!
Two dying fools with no defense,
And a DM losing c

7500/7500

# THE CAMPAIGN WENT TO HELL ### The Ballad of Seven Beautiful Disasters *Performed by Vallin Aetherion* **[INTRO — SPOKEN DM | Saloon Piano, Wind Whistling, Dice Rolling]** **DM:** "Alright, everyone! Welcome to tonight's campaign!" **DM:** "We're going Wild West! Gunslingers, outlaws, dusty roads, high noon duels, and dangerous bounties!" **DM:** "Try to stay in character, and PLEASE follow the story." **Vallin:** "Oh, this oughta be good..." *[Revolver cylinder spins. A single guitar string twangs.]* **DM:** "You find yourselves in a dusty frontier town..." **Vallin:** "And that's where everything went wrong." **[VERSE 1 — HIGH NOON DISASTER | Galloping Drums, Western Guitar Riff]** The sun was high, the streets were bare, Two outlaws stood with deadly stares! Yashoku grinned, I tipped my hat, One wrong move and we'd both go SPLAT! My fingers twitched beside my gun, The duel of legends had begun! The townsfolk hid, the church bells rang, But then behind us— **SERAS:** "BANG!" *[GUNSHOT! Music abruptly stops.]* **Vallin:** "SERAS! WE HAVEN'T EVEN DRAWN YET!" **Seras:** "Oops." And through the dust came Purple's stride, With mischief burning in her eyes! One duel became a three-way mess, And not one soul could tell who's next! **[PRE-CHORUS — BUILDING CHAOS]** The dice were rolling, the rules were bent, The DM's precious plot was spent! Three guns drawn beneath the sun, And somehow we'd only just begun! **[CHORUS — FULL ROCK EXPLOSION]** OH, THE CAMPAIGN WENT TO HELL TONIGHT! Seven fools and a tavern fight! We came for gold, for blood, for fame, But nobody's playing the bloody game! Raise your tankards! Roll your dice! Common sense has paid the price! From cowboy guns to vampire spells, WE SENT THIS CAMPAIGN STRAIGHT TO HELL! **[VERSE 2 — THE VAMPIRE QUEEN | Playful Fiddle, Heavy Bass]** Now Yashoku had a silver tongue, And Seras caught him having fun! He flashed a grin, he made his play, And flirted all the plot away! **Yashoku:** "Well, hello there, beautiful." **Seras:** "Careful, cowboy." One little wink, one charming line, Then suddenly the stars aligned! Her crimson eyes began to gleam, And Seras seized the royal scene! The saloon went dark, the candles died, A throne appeared with gothic pride! She crossed her legs, she raised her chin, And wore a wicked monarch's grin! **Seras:** "I am your Vampire Queen." **Seras:** "And you WILL kneel before me." **Vallin:** "I'M SORRY, WHEN DID WE CHANGE GENRES?!" **[VERSE 3 — BROOKE, THE QUEEN'S ENFORCER | Driving Guitar, War Drums]** Then Brooke came crawling through the door, A feline menace on the floor! With mismatched eyes and tattooed skin, She flashed her fangs and gave a grin! The Queen declared, "Make them obey!" And Brooke went prowling straight away! With twitching ears and swishing tail, She made our cowboy courage fail! **Brooke:** "You heard the Queen! Everybody DOWN!" **Vallin:** "I ain't kneeling!" **Brooke:** "Wanna bet?" **Vallin:** "...I might reconsider." **[PRE-CHORUS — COMEDIC BREAKDOWN]** The sheriff's gone, the laws are dead, The DM's banging on his head! The Queen has minions, Brooke has claws, And nobody remembers the original cause! **[CHORUS — LOUDER, WITH TAVERN CHOIR]** OH, THE CAMPAIGN WENT TO HELL TONIGHT! Seven fools and a tavern fight! We came for gold, for blood, for fame, But nobody's playing the bloody game! Raise your tankards! Roll your dice! Common sense has paid the price! From cowboy guns to vampire spells, WE SENT THIS CAMPAIGN STRAIGHT TO HELL! **[VERSE 4 — THE BEAUTY CRITICAL HIT | Fast Bardcore Folk-Rock]** Now Yashoku and I were holding strong, Until the ladies came along! One lovely smile, one tempting glance, And both our brains abandoned chance! Seras ruled with crimson grace, Purple had that devilish face! Brooke's wild grin could steal your breath, And beauty struck us both to death! **Vallin:** "Brother... I'm losing blood..." **Yashoku:** "Same here... critical damage..." *[Two exaggerated thuds.]* Then Sukkoto came with healing hands, The sweetest medic in the lands! She saw us sprawled upon the ground, And rushed to bring our pulses round! **Sukkoto:** "OH NO! THEY'RE DYING!" She knelt beside us, full of dread, And tried to raise us from the dead! A little CPR, a desperate plea— **Vallin:** "I THINK I'M DYING HAPPILY!" **Yashoku:** "DON'T STOP! I'M STILL AT ZERO HP!" **DM:** "YOU TWO AREN'T EVEN IN COMBAT!" **[VERSE 5 — SARA ENTERS THE PARTY | Bouncy Lute, Fiddle, Electric Guitar]** And just when things could not get worse, The heavens dropped another curse! With pastel hair and sparkling eyes, Sara arrived to claim her prize! A cyber angel dressed in black, With pink and blue cascading back! She saw the Queen upon her throne, And made her own intentions known! **Sara:** "Ooooh, Seras! You're gorgeous!" **Seras:** "Excuse me?" **Sara:** "COME HERE, YOUR MAJESTY!" She chased the ladies through the hall, And left us laughing through it all! She wanted beauty, not a quest, And Seras seemed to top her list! **Vallin:** "THE QUEEN IS BEING PURSUED!" **Brooke:** "Should I stop her?" **Seras:** "BROOKE! DO SOMETHING!" **Sara:** "WAIT FOR ME, PRETTY LADY!" *[Wild fiddle solo, running footsteps, laughter.]* **[BRIDGE — THE DM'S BREAKING POINT | Music Drops to a Single Lute]** **DM:** "Okay... can we PLEASE get back to the campaign?" **Vallin:** "Absolutely." **Yashoku:** "Of course." **DM:** "Thank you." **Yashoku:** "But first, I'm cooking steak." *[Silence.]* **DM:** "...You're WHAT?" **[VERSE 6 — THE LEGENDARY STEAK BREAK | Saloon Piano, Tavern Folk Groove]** The guns went down, the fire was lit, Yashoku said, "I've had enough of this!" He grabbed a pan, he found some flame, And turned our quest into a cooking game! The sizzling beef, the herbs, the spice, The smell alone was paradise! The Queen got steak, and Brooke got fed, While Sara chased the Queen instead! Purple laughed and raised a glass, The whole damn storyline could pass! We gathered round that glorious feast, Our blood loss finally had ceased! **Vallin:** "Yashoku, my brother, that's a fine steak." **Yashoku:** "Medium rare, just how legends are made." **DM:** "THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A TRAIN ROBBERY!" **Vallin:** "Well, now there's dinner." **[VERSE 7 — SUKKOTO'S DOWNFALL | Playful Acoustic Guitar, Handclaps]** Now Sukkoto sat so sweet and shy, A gentle sparkle in her eyes! Yashoku leaned and caught my stare, Two wicked grins were hanging there! **Yashoku:** "You thinking what I'm thinking?" **Vallin:** "Oh, absolutely." We flanked our healer, left and right, And watched her blush beneath the light! A compliment, a playful tease, She hid her face and begged us, "Please!" I kissed her cheek, he kissed the other, We grinned like fools at one another! Her face turned red, her thoughts took flight, Our little medic lost the fight! **Sukkoto:** "Y-YOU TWO! THAT'S NOT FAIR!" **Vallin:** "What? We're just thanking our healer!" **Yashoku:** "Excellent bedside manner." **Sukkoto:** "I'M GOING TO FAINT!" **Vallin:** "ROLL A CONSTITUTION SAVE!" *[Dice tumble.]* **DM:** "Natural one." *[Everyone bursts into laughter.]* **[FINAL CHORUS — FULL ENSEMBLE, MAXIMUM ENERGY]** OH, THE CAMPAIGN WENT TO HELL TONIGHT! No one cared who won the fight! A Vampire Queen, a feline scout, A pastel hunter chasing about! A cowboy chef, a healer's blush, A purple beauty causing a rush! Two dying fools with no defense, And a DM losing c

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