Eleven years... seven with your name next to mine... I want to talk to you the way I talk on stage — no mask... just truth with rhythm to it... I know the storms, I know the nights Where my body moved before my mind got the light You never signed up for this, no, not this part The version of me that goes off like a alarm in the dark It's not you I'm fighting, it just feels like it is In the moment my nervous system don't know who "is" Threat or love, it can't tell the difference fast enough By the time I catch it, I already showed you the rough And I know — I know — "it's not an excuse" You said it plain, and you were right, that's the truth I'm not here to argue, not here to defend I'm here to say I finally believe it, my friend I'm not the villain, you're not the villain either We're just two people drowning, trying to breathe in The lag between the storm and the sorry, that's the war Not the sorry — the lag, that's what I'm fighting for I'm still here, still choosing you Every broken piece I'm trying to make new I'm not the villain, you're not the villain either We just need a floor that holds when the walls get weaker You've almost left, I know, more than once That weight you carried waiting on my response Waiting on the version of me that comes back around Says sorry, means it, but the damage already found A home in you, and that ain't fair to ask For you to keep unpacking every time I wear the mask Of a man who reacts before he remembers who he loves AuDHD, CPTSD — that's the wiring, not the excuse The alarm goes off faster than I can shut it down By the time I'm back online I'm standing in the wreckage on the ground Grieving it too, just late — always late That's the thing I gotta fix, not apologize and wait God, give me the plan before the storm this time A signal, a door, a way to leave the moment — not you Not a way to run from her, a way to run to her Sit with me in that room, let somebody who understands Brains like mine help us build a floor That doesn't cave in every time I get overwhelmed I don't want another apology I want to be the man who doesn't need to give one So this ain't a love song about how good it's been This a love song about how we gonna fight to win Against the pattern, not against each other, no We building something sturdier than a storm can throw I'm still choosing you, on purpose, wide awake Not because it's easy — because you're worth the change I gotta make We two people trying to build a home that holds Both our truths at the same time, that's the goal I'm not the villain, you're not the villain either We're just two people drowning, trying to breathe in The lag between the storm and the sorry, that's the war Not the sorry — the lag, that's what I'm fighting for I'm still here, still choosing you Ready now to do the work that makes it true I'm not the villain, you're not the villain either We just need a floor that holds when the walls get weaker I'm still here... Still choosing you... Ready — finally — to do the work that makes that choosing mean something. — Luck
