A THORN IN OUR SIDE 🌹 [Verse 1] Welcome to Portland, the City of Roses, Where freedom depends on who opposes. Come one, come all, that's what they proclaim, But wear the wrong shirt and you're out of the game! Buy yourself a ticket, take yourself a seat, Think you're here for soccer? Oh, ain't that sweet! They preach inclusion with a great big grin, Then decide whose opinions are welcome within! [Chorus — Big, Rowdy Gang Vocals] OH, PORTLAND THORNS, YOU'RE A THORN IN OUR SIDE! Where's all that tolerance you advertise? You can shout A - C - A - B till your voices are sore, But X X-X Y? THERE'S THE FUCKIN' DOOR! Oh, Portland Thorns, what a tangled-up vine, Since when did a T-shirt cross the line? You say everyone with a ticket's welcome inside, Till somebody disagrees—THEN IT'S OUTSIDE! [Verse 2] It's a public stadium with private rules, Somebody oughta send 'em back to school! They sell you a ticket, they welcome you in, Then suddenly your T-shirt's a cardinal sin! Who wrote the rules? Who gets to decide? Which opinions get cheers and which get denied? Keep Portland Weird? Well, ain't that cruel, Apparently weird has a dress-code rule! [Chorus] OH, PORTLAND THORNS, YOU'RE A THORN IN OUR SIDE! Where's all that tolerance you advertise? You can shout A -C -A -B till your voices are sore, But X X-X Y? THEY'LL SHOW YOU THE DOOR! Oh, Portland Thorns, what a tangled-up vine, Since when did a T-shirt cross the line? You say everybody's welcome inside, Till somebody disagrees—THEN IT'S OUTSIDE! [Verse 3 — Portland Junior High] Welcome to Portland Junior High, Where the cool kids rule and the outcasts sigh. The cliques run the halls, the bullies make rules, And grown-up people act like fools! They preach respect, then ridicule, Guess nobody taught the Golden Rule! Do unto others, ain't that the way? Or does that depend on the shirt you wear today? [Bridge — Spoken, Sarcastic Female Voice] Welcome to Providence Park! We celebrate diversity! Different backgrounds! Different faces! Different voices! Different opinions? WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! We didn't say THAT! Security! Section thirteen! Somebody's THINKING differently! [Final Chorus — Explosive] OH, PORTLAND THORNS, YOU'RE A THORN IN OUR SIDE! Whatever happened to your stadium pride? It's a public stadium with private rules, Welcome to Portland's school for fools! DO UNTO OTHERS—AIN'T THAT THE RULE? Didn't we learn that back in school? You want respect? THEN GIVE IT TOO! THE GOLDEN RULE APPLIES TO YOU! [Outro — Slow Blues Guitar, Raspy Female Voice] Keep Portland Weird... But apparently not THAT weird. A rose has thorns, And now we know why... Somebody call the principal. X X-X Y is NOT permissible We've got a dress-code violation! We must uphold the Thorns reputation! Better send security We must uphold the Thorns purity!!
