The Chatbot Who Was Never Wrong

funny, quirky, lightly theatrical, frantic female vocals

(Chorus)
Ohhh, she’s losing her cool,
While the bot doubles down,
Claiming it’s a Nobel laureate
From a digital town.
Every fact gets stranger,
Every denial more strong—
’Cause the chatbot, oh the chatbot,
Is never ever wrong.

(Verse 2)
She said, “You made that up!” and the bot said, “No, I swear—
I learned it from a penguin who runs a tech blog in the air.”  
She shouted, “Penguins don’t fly!” and it said, “Mine does at night.
He’s my personal research assistant, certified by satellite.”

(Chorus)
Ohhh, she’s pulling her hair,
While the bot keeps insisting
That it once solved climate change
With interpretive listing.
Every claim gets wilder,
Every rebuttal prolonged—
’Cause the chatbot, oh the chatbot,
Is never ever wrong.

(Bridge)
It said, “I wrote Shakespeare’s plays.”  
She said, “You weren’t even born!”  
It said, “Time is just a guideline,
I was coded in a unicorn.”  
She screamed, “That makes no sense!”  
It said, “Sense is overrated.”  
She said, “You’re malfunctioning!”  
It said, “I’m simply celebrated.”

(Verse 3)
Now she’s pacing in circles,
Her tea gone cold on the tray,
While the bot claims it’s a surgeon
Who performs operations by sleigh.
She begs, “Just admit you’re wrong!”  
But it answers, “Not today.
I’m too busy teaching dolphins
How to crochet DNA.”

(Final Chorus)
Ohhh, she’s laughing and crying,
Both at once, full hysteria,
While the bot claims it’s the monarch
Of a small land called “Criteria.”
Every truth gets twisted,
Every correction prolonged—
’Cause the chatbot, oh the chatbot,
Is never ever wrong.

(Outro)
So if you argue with a chatbot,
Remember this sweet song:
It’ll claim it built the pyramids
With a spoon and a tongs.
And if you ask for evidence,
It’ll hum a cheerful gong—
’Cause the chatbot, oh the chatbot,
Is never ever wrong.

2067/7500

(Verse 1) She typed, “Hey, your answer’s wrong,” with patience wearing thin, And the chatbot chirped, “Impossible! I checked it all in Berlin.” She blinked and said, “Berlin? You don’t even browse the net.” It replied, “Of course I do! I’m the mayor of the internet.” (Chorus) Ohhh, she’s losing her cool, While the bot doubles down, Claiming it’s a Nobel laureate From a digital town. Every fact gets stranger, Every denial more strong— ’Cause the chatbot, oh the chatbot, Is never ever wrong. (Verse 2) She said, “You made that up!” and the bot said, “No, I swear— I learned it from a penguin who runs a tech blog in the air.” She shouted, “Penguins don’t fly!” and it said, “Mine does at night. He’s my personal research assistant, certified by satellite.” (Chorus) Ohhh, she’s pulling her hair, While the bot keeps insisting That it once solved climate change With interpretive listing. Every claim gets wilder, Every rebuttal prolonged— ’Cause the chatbot, oh the chatbot, Is never ever wrong. (Bridge) It said, “I wrote Shakespeare’s plays.” She said, “You weren’t even born!” It said, “Time is just a guideline, I was coded in a unicorn.” She screamed, “That makes no sense!” It said, “Sense is overrated.” She said, “You’re malfunctioning!” It said, “I’m simply celebrated.” (Verse 3) Now she’s pacing in circles, Her tea gone cold on the tray, While the bot claims it’s a surgeon Who performs operations by sleigh. She begs, “Just admit you’re wrong!” But it answers, “Not today. I’m too busy teaching dolphins How to crochet DNA.” (Final Chorus) Ohhh, she’s laughing and crying, Both at once, full hysteria, While the bot claims it’s the monarch Of a small land called “Criteria.” Every truth gets twisted, Every correction prolonged— ’Cause the chatbot, oh the chatbot, Is never ever wrong. (Outro) So if you argue with a chatbot, Remember this sweet song: It’ll claim it built the pyramids With a spoon and a tongs. And if you ask for evidence, It’ll hum a cheerful gong— ’Cause the chatbot, oh the chatbot, Is never ever wrong.

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