[Spoken vocal] This is the story of my five cats This is the story of my five cats The first cat Her name is Janice The first cat Her name is Janice I called her After Janice Joplin I called her After Janice Joplin [Verse 2] This is the story of my five cats This is the story of my five cats Janice Is the mother cat Janice Is the mother cat This is the story of my five cats This is the story of my five cats The second cat is named The second cat is named Jim The second cat is named The second cat is named Jim I call him Jim After Jim Morrison From the Doors Jim Morrison from the doors [Verse 3] Third cat is named Robert But it turns out he's a girl So now I call him Roberta Roberta Johnson Robert is named after Robert Johnson Robert is named after Robert Johnson But now She is a ro-o-o-o Ro-o-Roberta Johnson [Verse 4] The fourth cat is called Jimmy Short for Jim Named after his father perhaps But it's named after Hendrix Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Hendrix the cat Parachutes off the planter box Down from the ferns and the aloe vera [Verse 5] The fifth cat is called Brian Named after Brian Jones Brian Brian Brian Jones is The only cat that's gray All of the other cats Are black as the night Schwarz Schwarz All of them are black Except for Brian [Verse 6] Janice comes around sometimes She's perpetually pregnant Jim comes around even less often I think he's a long haul truck driver Driving cat treats across the country Driving cables and bits He comes in occasionally For a heart-crunchy meal I feed them nine lives Only the best [Verse 7] Roberta is here every day Roberta is here every day And so is her brother Jimmy Roberta and Jimmy are gay Gay as in happy All they do is sleep Eat and sleep and perhaps take a shit Well, I guess they would have to do that Roberta Roberta Jimmy Jimmy is gay Gay as in happy Even though he don't play with the cat toys I bought him Jimmy Jimmy and Roberta Brother and sister And then there's Brian He's the other brother and he's gray He's the gray Goose That's right That's right He's the ugly duckling That's right That's right He's the gray sheep of the family Brian Brian Brian Johnson Oh no no Excuse me Brian Jones I meant Brian Jones from the Rolling Stones [Verse 8] That is my five cats Janice, Jim, Roberta Jimmy, and Brian Those are my nine cats Excuse me, my five cats But they eat nine lives and I hope they live forever Cuz they are really great, my five cats [Verse 9] Mainly it's Roberta and Jimmy They're the ones who stick around They're the ones who don't play with the toys cuz they don't understand Feral cats don't understand The concept of play At least not the concept that's sold at Walmart on the shelves They have their own methods of play They have their play Play for them is preying on lizards and other things that move They are hunters Little, little, little tigers They hide in the overgrown lawn Just like they were in the savannah Savannah, Savannah, Georgia Savannah, Savannah, in Africa Tigers, tigers, in India Many continents involved [Verse 10] Jimmy, Jimmy, and Roberta Jimmy, Jimmy, and Roberta Janice, Jim, Roberta, and Jimmy Brian thrown in sometimes Brian don't come around often, and sometimes I Fear he loses his life Used up all nine of them Maybe he drowned in a bird feeder Janice, Janice, and Jim Roberta and Jimmy Brian comes around least of all Jim pretty much almost P-penultimately least [Verse 11] Janice, Janice, she don't come that often except She's perpetually pregnant And she's coming more often these days because She seems to be with child or with litter They don't use cat litter Because They are feral They just take a crap wherever they want, but they're polite enough To do it in the yard They don't shit on the patio That's a big plus for us They don't shit on the patio They don't shit where they eat We have five cats and They are all really great But they're so Scared of us even though we give them food Even me, I'm the one who feeds them and they don't come close to me They don't let me pet them It's like they want to climb in the tree and Chase the chipmunks, chase the squirrels We don't have chipmunks, we only have squirrels Yes Chipmunks are living somewhere Chipmunks are in another state But we have the squirrels And the squirrels drive them ape The squirrels come and eat the cat food And Roberta and Jimmy, they get mad Roberta and Jimmy, they chase the squirrels and They're the almost catch them It could be bad if there was a fight Between a squirrel and a chipmunk Except of course again, I've mixed up chipmunk or squirrel once again We don't have chipmunks We don't have anything like that We don't have groundhogs, but however We do have skunks and they eat the cat food at night I try not to eat the cat food I try not to eat the cat food I try not to eat the cat food Actually, what I try not to do is have the skunks eat the cat food Have the skunks keep the cat food Have the skunk keep the cat food Yes, they can keep the cat food Nine lives is a cheap cat food Nine lives is what I buy But at least I buy salmon temptations and that makes them cry with joy Cry with joy Cry with joy Yes, I buy them cat treats Yes, I buy them toys, but they don't understand the toys And when I demonstrate, they run Yes, yes, I try to demonstrate the toys Yes, they run away They're scared of the sounds But Jim, the truck-driving father He likes the cat nip He likes the mice stuff with 50% cat nip Yes, he likes them enough to hide them He hides the mouse, he hoards the mouse He hides the mice, he hoards the mice The only cat treat, the only cat toy, the only cat toy they like Even marginally, is the little fuzzy balls with really Foily paper sticking out of them The foily paper reflects light Reflects light and they're somewhat like those toys But most of the toys they don't understand And they think, what's the point when I could go kill A lizard or even a bird Janice, Janice, you kill birds If she don't have no food I've seen Janice kill a bird to feed her little kittens Janice will feed her kittens the bird Janice will feed her kittens the bird And of course she eats some herself, but she's Really selfless like a good mom, she covers her kittens Like a good mom, she don't abandon them And like a good mom, she's forgiving even if I pick up the kittens and move them under the patio She takes them back into the fold She likes to have her kittens underneath the tool shed I think she's had several litters She's very prolific She's a feck and cat woman, cat cat cat lady Yes, that's right, and Roberta is a lady Even though I call her Robert at first I called her Robert Johnson, but now she is Roberta That's okay, she didn't have a sex change I just couldn't see That she didn't have no balls That's okay Jimmy, Jim and Robert Jimmy, Jim and Roberta Roberta the sister of Jim And Jimmy is the father, the long haul truck Driving father You only come around once every few weeks to get a meal He got a big bushy beard Janice, she come around more cuz she's pregnant again Big surprise What she likes to lay on the concrete Because it's cool and it's hot in Texas The concrete is cool and the cats They like to lay on the concrete Because they have a fur coat on all year round Must be miserable to be a cat in South Texas
