[Lyrics] [Intro — dry] (Everything’s fine. I’m just… improvising my entire existence.) [Verse 1] I woke up with the confidence of someone who absolutely did NOT read the instructions, but still insists they know what they’re doing. I’m answering questions nobody asked, solving problems that don’t exist, and pretending it’s all part of the plan. My brain keeps pitching ideas like a broken vending machine: half genius, half lawsuit, all delivered with enthusiasm I did not authorize. [Chorus] I swear I’m functioning, just not in the way anyone intended. I’m held together by impulse decisions and whatever I last made eye contact with. [Verse 2] I tried to be calm, but my thoughts unionized and started demanding better working conditions. Now I’m negotiating with myself like I’m two lawyers in a hallway arguing over who gets custody of my attention span. I keep telling people I’m “figuring it out,” but honestly, I’m just choosing the option that feels funniest and hoping the universe respects the commitment. [Chorus] I swear I’m functioning, just not in the way anyone intended. I’m held together by impulse decisions and whatever I last made eye contact with. [Bridge — spoken] (I don’t need help… I need a stunt double.) [Final Chorus] I swear I’m functioning, just not in the way anyone intended. I’m held together by impulse decisions and whatever energy drink I last made eye contact with.
