[Intro – Game lobby sounds, controller clicks] Yo, yo, yo! Level ninety-nine. Legendary inventory. Three hundred Victory Royales. Real-life bank account? ... Thirty dollars and forty cents. BRO! [Verse 1 – Playful, bouncy rap] Woke up at noon, got a crown on my head, Got a legendary shotgun and a pizza by my bed. Dropped into Tilted, took out a whole squad, My teammates call me cracked, I'm a digital god! Got a golden Scar, got a shield, got a med kit, Got a whole inventory full of stuff I ain't used yet. Got a mansion in Minecraft, got a castle in the sky, But my landlord wants the rent, and I don't know why! I can build a whole fortress in a matter of seconds, But I can't build credit, and my bank account's wrecked. Got a thousand V-Bucks, but my wallet's on E, Can somebody tell me what is wrong with this economy? [Pre-Chorus – Beat drops to a goofy bassline] I got loot! I got skills! I got ninety-nine eliminations! Got a bill! Got a bill! Got another notification! [Chorus – Big, repetitive meme chant] WHERE'S MY LOOT? WHERE'S MY LOOT? I got a golden llama and a legendary suit! WHERE'S MY LOOT? WHERE'S MY LOOT? Real life got me running in my birthday suit! Government ain't dropping no loot from the sky, How's a guy supposed to get by? Competition's steep and my paycheck's small, I'm a champion online, but I'm broke at the mall! LOOT! LOOT! WHERE'S MY LOOT? Broke in real life, but my character's cute! [Verse 2 – Faster rap, comedic delivery] Sent out a résumé, sent out twenty more, Got a hundred rejections, now I'm keeping score. They said, "What's your experience?" I said, "Check my stats! I've been leading squads since I was twelve, how about that?" I got lightning-fast reflexes, got precision and aim, Got a hundred different skins and a legendary name. I can coordinate a team, I can operate a drone, But they said, "Can you operate a telephone?" BRO! I can handle any controller you put in my hand, But apparently that ain't a skill that's in demand. They want five years' experience for an entry-level gig, And a master's in accounting just to flip a burger, kid! I can drive a tank, fly a plane, build a tower, But I can't get a job that pays more than twenty an hour. Got a Victory Royale, got a digital crown, But the manager at Wendy's just turned me down! [Chorus – Bigger, with gang vocals] WHERE'S MY LOOT? WHERE'S MY LOOT? I got a golden llama and a legendary suit! WHERE'S MY LOOT? WHERE'S MY LOOT? Real life got me running in my birthday suit! Government ain't dropping no loot from the sky, How's a guy supposed to get by? Competition's steep and my paycheck's small, I'm a champion online, but I'm broke at the mall! LOOT! LOOT! WHERE'S MY LOOT? Got a hundred thousand XP, but I can't buy food! [Fast Rap – Rapid-fire, escalating chaos] Got a controller, got a headset, got a keyboard, got a mouse, Got a battle bus, a battle pass, but I ain't got a house! Got a pickaxe, got a backpack, got a llama full of gold, Got a legendary inventory that I can't afford to hold! Got a quest, got a chest, got a crown upon my head, Got a hundred different emotes, but I can't afford bread! Got a skin, got a win, got a thousand hours played, Got a boss, got a bill, got a minimum wage! I can crank ninety degrees, build a tower to the moon, But my boss wants me at work by a quarter after noon! I said, "Sir, I'm a legend!" He said, "That's nice, son. Can you mop up aisle seven when your lunch break is done?" ... [Beat stops] Wait. You mean... I have to WORK for the loot?! [Bridge – Melodic, funny but relatable] In the game, I know the rules, Find the chest and grab the tools. Every round's another chance, Every win's a victory dance. But out here, the map's so big, Nobody tells you where to dig. No glowing chest, no treasure map, Just another bill and a credit card app. I got skills that nobody sees, Got a million points and a thousand achievements. Maybe I should put the controller down, Find a way to level up in this town. But first... One more round. [Final Chorus – Explosive, playful, gang vocals] WHERE'S MY LOOT? WHERE'S MY LOOT? Got a job application and a hole in my boot! WHERE'S MY LOOT? WHERE'S MY LOOT? Real life doesn't come with a parachute! Government ain't dropping no loot from the sky, Guess I gotta find my own supply! Competition's steep, but I ain't gonna fall, I'm gonna level up in real life, y'all! LOOT! LOOT! WHERE'S MY LOOT? Got a brand-new quest and a whole new route! [Outro – Game lobby music, notification sounds] New quest unlocked: Pay the rent. Difficulty? Legendary. Reward? You get to live here another month. ... BROOOOO! [Victory Royale sound effect] Wait, what? YOUR RENT HAS INCREASED. ... I'M UNINSTALLING REAL LIFE!
