[INTRO – MALE GAME SHOW ANNOUNCER, BELLS RINGING] DING! DING! DING! WE HAVE A WINNER! [FEMALE – SASSY, SPOKEN] GOOD FUCKING MORNING, YOU MOLTEN LITTLE LAVA CAKE! Tell ‘em what they’ve won, Johnny! [MALE ANNOUNCER – EXCITED] A BRAND NEW FUCKING DAY! Loaded with chances to be MAGNIFICENT! And a LIFETIME SUPPLY OF CONFIDENCE! [FEMALE – LAUGHING] Well, HOT DAMN! Look at you, you lucky bastard! [VERSE 1 – FEMALE COUNTRY VOCALS] Get your ass up, sunshine’s calling, Quit your bitchin’, there’s no time for stalling! Your hair’s a mess, your coffee’s cold, But you’ve got another day to strike some gold! Yesterday’s shit? Leave it behind, Don’t let that crap take up your mind! Pull on your boots, straighten that crown, You’ve got a whole damn world to turn around! [PRE-CHORUS – PLAYFUL BUILD] Step right up! Come on down! You’re the biggest winner in this town! Give that wheel a mighty spin, Today’s your day, so jump right in! [CHORUS – BIG, BOOT-STOMPING COUNTRY] DING DING DING! YOU’RE A WINNER! A little bit wild, but you’re no beginner! Kick up your heels, let the good times roll, You’ve got fire in your heart and a whole lotta soul! Spin that wheel! Take that chance! Shake your ass and do your dance! Life’s handing out prizes, so get in the game, Get out there and be FUCKING MAGNIFICENT today! [VERSE 2 – CHEEKY, SASSY] What’s behind door number one? A brand new chance to have some fun! Door number two? Well, would you look! A fresh new page in your life’s damn book! Door number three? CONFIDENCE, BABY! Enough to drive the whole town crazy! Don’t you dare let somebody’s crap Make you forget you’re the whole damn jackpot! [BRIDGE – GAME SHOW BREAKDOWN] [FEMALE – SPOKEN] Johnny! Tell our lucky winner what else they’ve got coming! [MALE ANNOUNCER] A lifetime supply of NOT GIVING A FUCK! Unlimited chances to KICK SOME ASS! And the confidence to tell the world TO KISS YOUR MAGNIFICENT ASS! [FEMALE – LAUGHING] HOLY SHIT! AND YOU THOUGHT TODAY WAS GONNA SUCK! [FINAL CHORUS – FULL COUNTRY BAND] DING DING DING! YOU’RE A WINNER! A little bit wild, but you’re no beginner! Kick up your heels, let the good times roll, You’ve got fire in your heart and a whole lotta soul! Spin that wheel! Take that chance! Shake your ass and do your dance! Life’s handing out prizes, so get in the game, Get out there and be FUCKING MAGNIFICENT today! [OUTRO – FEMALE SPOKEN, MUSIC DROPS] Listen here, you beautiful disaster. You woke up this morning. That’s already one hell of a prize. Now quit doubting yourself, stop giving a shit what everybody thinks, and go collect every fucking prize today’s got waiting for you! [MALE ANNOUNCER] AND REMEMBER, FOLKS! NO REFUNDS! NO EXCHANGES! AND ABSOLUTELY NO WHINING! [FEMALE – LAUGHING] NOW GO BE FUCKING MAGNIFICENT! [BELLS RINGING, FIDDLE FINALE] DING! DING! DING!
