Two Girls and a Possum

Ron Ferguson

Roger Burns

Ron Ferguson

Appalachian country-blues, comic storytelling

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[INTRO — INSTRUMENTAL DUEL, 8 BARS] [112 BPM, 4/4 — APPALACHIAN COUNTRY-BLUES] [CLAWHAMMER BANJO: DRY BUM-DITTY, DROP-THUMB] [STEEL-BODY SINGLE-CONE RESONATOR: METALLIC BOTTLENECK SLIDE] [BANJO CHALLENGES, RESONATOR ANSWERS] [TRADE TWO-BAR PHRASES, THEN ONE-BAR PHRASES] [UPRIGHT BASS ENTERS WITH LAZY TWO-BEAT PULSE]
[VERSE 1 — MALE STORYTELLER, DEADPAN] I was walking down the sidewalk On a quiet summer night, Streetlamps throwing shadows Where the alleys met the light. Two young ladies coming toward me, Talking like young ladies do, Never knowing something furry Had a shortcut running through.
[RESONATOR — LOW GROWLING SLIDE] [BANJO — SHORT NERVOUS ANSWER]
[VERSE 2 — BUILDING SUSPENSE] There was movement in the darkness, There was rustling by a can. Something low and something creeping With a secret little plan. Well, that's how it might have looked If you were nervous after dark— But the critter had a destination And was heading for the park.
[CHORUS — BOUNCY, PLAYFUL] Possum right of way! Possum coming through! Never saw the girls approaching, Never knew what they would do! Two feet high and six feet scared, Four feet flying through the air! One poor possum, one wild night— Everybody got a fright!
[INSTRUMENTAL — 4 BARS] [CLAWHAMMER BANJO VS RESONATOR] [SHORTEN PHRASES, BUILD TENSION] [UPRIGHT BASS — STOP-START PULSE]
[VERSE 3 — SLOW DOWN, ANTICIPATION] They were maybe three feet from me When the alley came alive. Out he shot like he'd been fired From a cannon set on five! Right across their shoes he scampered, Didn't stop to say hello— And those girls went straight to heaven With no intention there to go!
[ALL INSTRUMENTS CUT] [TWO STARTLED SHRIEKS — SHORT] [CLAWHAMMER BANJO — FRANTIC DROP-THUMB FIGURE] [RESONATOR — WILD UPWARD SLIDE] [UPRIGHT BASS — COMIC SLAP]
[VERSE 4 — NARRATOR TRYING NOT TO LAUGH] Well, those girls went up like rockets, Came back down like sacks of grain. And that possum hit the brakes Like he'd just been struck by lightning! Turned around and looked bewildered, Like, "What the fuck was that?" Then he vanished down the sidewalk Faster than a scalded cat!
[CHORUS — FASTER, FULL COMIC GROOVE] Possum right of way! Possum coming through! Never saw the girls approaching, Never knew what they would do! Two feet high and six feet scared, Four feet flying through the air! One poor possum, one wild night— Everybody got a fright!
[INSTRUMENTAL DUEL — 8 BARS] [CLAWHAMMER BANJO: QUICK DROP-THUMB, BRUSHES] [RESONATOR: METALLIC SLIDES, BODY KNOCKS] [BANJO PLAYS COMIC DESCENDING PHRASE] [RESONATOR IMITATES IT WITH SLIDE] [TRADE SHORTER, FASTER PHRASES]
[BRIDGE — HALF-SPOKEN, LAUGHTER IN VOICE] Now, I don't know who was frightened most, The girls or that poor beast. They'd interrupted his evening stroll, And he hadn't planned it in the least. He wasn't chasing anybody, Didn't bare a single tooth. Just took a shortcut through the crowd— And scared himself, to tell the truth!
[VERSE 5 — NARRATOR BREAKING INTO LAUGHTER] I was leaning on a lamppost, Had the tears running down my face. Trying hard to catch my breath While they recovered from the chase. And somewhere down that alley, That poor possum must have thought, "Next time I cross this sidewalk, I'll take the long way round the block!"
[FINAL CHORUS — JOYOUS, FULL BAND] Possum right of way! Possum coming through! Never saw the girls approaching, Never knew what they would do! Two feet high and six feet scared, Four feet flying through the air! One poor possum, one wild night— Everybody got a fright!
[OUTRO — SPOKEN, STILL CHUCKLING] Those girls thought they'd met a monster. That possum thought he'd met two. And I was laughing so damn hard I couldn't tell who scared who!
[FINAL INSTRUMENTAL DUEL — 4 BARS] [BANJO: PLAYFUL BUM-DITTY] [RESONATOR: SCRATCHY DESCENDING SLIDE] [BANJO — SHORT QUESTION] [RESONATOR — LOW COMIC ANSWER] [SINGLE METALLIC RESONATOR BODY KNOCK] [ABRUPT END]

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[INTRO — INSTRUMENTAL DUEL, 8 BARS] [112 BPM, 4/4 — APPALACHIAN COUNTRY-BLUES] [CLAWHAMMER BANJO: DRY BUM-DITTY, DROP-THUMB] [STEEL-BODY SINGLE-CONE RESONATOR: METALLIC BOTTLENECK SLIDE] [BANJO CHALLENGES, RESONATOR ANSWERS] [TRADE TWO-BAR PHRASES, THEN ONE-BAR PHRASES] [UPRIGHT BASS ENTERS WITH LAZY TWO-BEAT PULSE] [VERSE 1 — MALE STORYTELLER, DEADPAN] I was walking down the sidewalk On a quiet summer night, Streetlamps throwing shadows Where the alleys met the light. Two young ladies coming toward me, Talking like young ladies do, Never knowing something furry Had a shortcut running through. [RESONATOR — LOW GROWLING SLIDE] [BANJO — SHORT NERVOUS ANSWER] [VERSE 2 — BUILDING SUSPENSE] There was movement in the darkness, There was rustling by a can. Something low and something creeping With a secret little plan. Well, that's how it might have looked If you were nervous after dark— But the critter had a destination And was heading for the park. [CHORUS — BOUNCY, PLAYFUL] Possum right of way! Possum coming through! Never saw the girls approaching, Never knew what they would do! Two feet high and six feet scared, Four feet flying through the air! One poor possum, one wild night— Everybody got a fright! [INSTRUMENTAL — 4 BARS] [CLAWHAMMER BANJO VS RESONATOR] [SHORTEN PHRASES, BUILD TENSION] [UPRIGHT BASS — STOP-START PULSE] [VERSE 3 — SLOW DOWN, ANTICIPATION] They were maybe three feet from me When the alley came alive. Out he shot like he'd been fired From a cannon set on five! Right across their shoes he scampered, Didn't stop to say hello— And those girls went straight to heaven With no intention there to go! [ALL INSTRUMENTS CUT] [TWO STARTLED SHRIEKS — SHORT] [CLAWHAMMER BANJO — FRANTIC DROP-THUMB FIGURE] [RESONATOR — WILD UPWARD SLIDE] [UPRIGHT BASS — COMIC SLAP] [VERSE 4 — NARRATOR TRYING NOT TO LAUGH] Well, those girls went up like rockets, Came back down like sacks of grain. And that possum hit the brakes Like he'd just been struck by lightning! Turned around and looked bewildered, Like, "What the fuck was that?" Then he vanished down the sidewalk Faster than a scalded cat! [CHORUS — FASTER, FULL COMIC GROOVE] Possum right of way! Possum coming through! Never saw the girls approaching, Never knew what they would do! Two feet high and six feet scared, Four feet flying through the air! One poor possum, one wild night— Everybody got a fright! [INSTRUMENTAL DUEL — 8 BARS] [CLAWHAMMER BANJO: QUICK DROP-THUMB, BRUSHES] [RESONATOR: METALLIC SLIDES, BODY KNOCKS] [BANJO PLAYS COMIC DESCENDING PHRASE] [RESONATOR IMITATES IT WITH SLIDE] [TRADE SHORTER, FASTER PHRASES] [BRIDGE — HALF-SPOKEN, LAUGHTER IN VOICE] Now, I don't know who was frightened most, The girls or that poor beast. They'd interrupted his evening stroll, And he hadn't planned it in the least. He wasn't chasing anybody, Didn't bare a single tooth. Just took a shortcut through the crowd— And scared himself, to tell the truth! [VERSE 5 — NARRATOR BREAKING INTO LAUGHTER] I was leaning on a lamppost, Had the tears running down my face. Trying hard to catch my breath While they recovered from the chase. And somewhere down that alley, That poor possum must have thought, "Next time I cross this sidewalk, I'll take the long way round the block!" [FINAL CHORUS — JOYOUS, FULL BAND] Possum right of way! Possum coming through! Never saw the girls approaching, Never knew what they would do! Two feet high and six feet scared, Four feet flying through the air! One poor possum, one wild night— Everybody got a fright! [OUTRO — SPOKEN, STILL CHUCKLING] Those girls thought they'd met a monster. That possum thought he'd met two. And I was laughing so damn hard I couldn't tell who scared who! [FINAL INSTRUMENTAL DUEL — 4 BARS] [BANJO: PLAYFUL BUM-DITTY] [RESONATOR: SCRATCHY DESCENDING SLIDE] [BANJO — SHORT QUESTION] [RESONATOR — LOW COMIC ANSWER] [SINGLE METALLIC RESONATOR BODY KNOCK] [ABRUPT END]

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