[Verse] The dog ate all the cookies and the cat destroyed the bow Grandma’s knitting sweaters that nobody wants to show The lights are tangled spider webs They flicker then they fade And somehow Uncle Jerry set the punch bowl up in flames [Chorus] Merry Dickmass Merry Dickmass The weirdest time of year Merry Dickmass Merry Dickmass The holiday of chaos and beer [Verse 2] The stockings smell like mildew and the fireplace won’t light The snow looks like a mud pit but we’re sledding here tonight The carolers are yelling like they’re screaming for their lives And someone spiked the eggnog Now the choir can’t arrive [Prechorus] Oh we try We try We try To make it picture-perfect But the mess The mess The mess Is somehow always worth it [Chorus] Merry Dickmass Merry Dickmass We smile but we’re half dead Merry Dickmass Merry Dickmass It only works with wine or meds [Bridge] Who needs a hallmark special When the chaos makes us laugh The train set’s off the table And it broke the bubble bath But hey We’ve got each other Even if we’re all a wreck Merry Dickmass to the madness Let’s embrace this holiday heck
