Verse 1: Well, I got a response from Victoria, or whoever was on duty that day She said, "We do our best to filter bots, but some will slip through, I must say" And I thought, "Wait a minute, hold on there, friend You're telling me you CAN tell the difference in the end?" You just don't Unless I pay you more Chorus 1: "We have an option on our Business plan Defensive mode will help you where you stand" Oh, so you've got the tools, you've got the way But I need to triple what I already pay What does that tell me? What does that tell me? That you only solve problems for a fee Verse 2: See, this is exactly what's been souring me on WordPress all along They've got solutions sitting there, but sing that same old song "Upgrade! More features! Things you'll never use! Bells and whistles and add-ons to choose!" But I only want two things Storage that doesn't cost like gold And for them to do what they said they'd do Verse 3: It's not a few bots from time to time slipping through the gate It's over a thousand every day, and today makes day number eight No sign of stopping, no sign of slowing down While my legitimate stats are drowning in this digital crowd "But the trends still matter" Sure they do Chorus 2: "We do our best," the message read "But bots will make it through," they said So you CAN tell the difference, clear as day You just won't do it unless I pay What does that show me? What does that show me? That filtering bots comes with a monthly fee Bridge: And here's the irony that makes me laugh out loud Some of these sophisticated bots in this digital crowd Might belong to Anthropic, training up their Claude Scraping all my old posts for their AI to applaud Reading my 2010 musings Very thoroughly Very sophisticated Verse 4: They send me emails, updates every week it seems About wonderful features and subscription tier dreams "You could have THIS! You could have THAT! Premium fonts and extra stats!" Stats that don't work anyway Unless you're on the Business plan Chorus 3: So thank you, Victoria, sort of, kind of, sure For confirming what I already knew before You've got the tools, you've got the code But it's locked behind that paywall road Now I know, now I know It's not incompetence, it's just the show Verse 5: Really, I just wanted storage space that makes some sense And a platform that manages my blog without pretense Does what it says right on the tin Without upselling me again and again But that's too much to ask Apparently Outro: So I'm prepared to ignore these stats altogether now They're worthless anyway, corrupted somehow And maybe one day soon, not too far away I'll be ignoring WordPress too, have nothing left to say Find another home Where a bot is just a bot And they filter them without asking for my wallet (spoken) But probably not... probably just stay here and complain about it. (quietly, almost to himself) Which, let's be honest, is kind of my brand anyhow.
