=== LYRICS (paste into Lyrics field — nothing else) === [Verse 1 - patter-baritone, brisk] I am the very model of a modern Major-CRMinal, I've information personal, credital, and sexual, I know the CEOs of France, and I quote the charts historical From MyChart to MyDemise, in order categorical; I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters substantial, I understand regulations, both the simple and fantastical, About binomial infections I'm teeming with a lot o' news, With many cheerful denials by the non-existent bit of hews. [Chorus] With many cheerful denials by the non-existent bit of hews! (With many cheerful denials by the non-existent bit of hews!) [Tail 1] I'm very good at scraping every intimate particular; I know the private data of a being perpendicular— In short, in matters personal, and credital, and sexual, I am the very model of a modern Major-CRMinal! (In short, in matters personal, and credital, and sexual, he is the very model of a modern Major-CRMinal!) [Verse 2 - faster] I'm keeper of the customer relationships proprietary, the very man to manage them — and yet how sedentary!; I file their every visitor, their vices and their private data, and cross-index the scandal for a rainy-day corrigenda-errata; I understand the statutes, both the toothless and mandatory, I cite them as I monetize a practice that is predatory; About your secret liaisons I am teeming with a lot o' news, With many cheerful denials that our lawyers pre-approve to use. [Chorus] With many cheerful denials that our lawyers pre-approve to use! (With many cheerful denials that our lawyers pre-approve to use!) [Tail 2] I'm excellent at gathering what decency would leave alone; I know the guilty secret of a saint I've never even known— In short, in matters personal, and credital, and sexual, I am the very model of a modern Major-CRMinal! (In short, in matters personal, and credital, and sexual, he is the very model of a modern Major-CRMinal!) [Verse 3 - fastest, the turn] In truth, for all the dossiers and the secrets I can requisition, I never once prevented a catastrophic data-fission; I knew my Lydia's every login and the suitor she would gravitate, but could not stop a scoundrel forking Lydia to exfiltrate; So all my vast omniscience wasn't worth a lot o' news— the record walked right out the door in someone else's dancing shoes. [Chorus] The record walked right out the door in someone else's dancing shoes! (The record walked right out the door in someone else's dancing shoes!) [Tail 3 - the crack, then resolve] But though I hoard the whole of you, your sins and your machinery, my love for my own daughters has been utterly imaginary; In short, in matters personal, and credital, and sexual, I am the very model of a modern Major-CRMinal! (In short, in matters personal, and credital, and sexual, he is the very model of a modern Major-CRMinal!)
