[🎵 "The Blah Witch Project"] [A song you can't escape, even if you unsubscribe] [Genre: Haunted corporate folk pop] [Suggested instruments: kazoo, out-of-sync tambourine, MIDI banjo, and whispering wind chimes] [Verse 1] In the forest where the boredom grows, By the vending tree where the stale wind blows, Lives a witch with a stare so bland, She turned a moose into a spreadsheet... by hand. [Chorus] 🎵 Ooooooh, Blah Witch, take my will, Make my thoughts completely still, Drown my soul in lukewarm tea, And read me terms of service... endlessly. 🎵 [Verse 2] She rides a snail made out of toast, Gives TED Talks to invisible ghosts, Her fingernails click PowerPoint slides, While owls discuss synergistic vibes. [Bridge] (Spoken word interlude, off-beat and echoing) “This next section will cover… Three methods of filing moss reports… Please remain conscious during the procedure.” [[long kazoo solo]] [Chorus 2] 🎵 Ooooooh, Blah Witch, queen of sighs, Turn my dreams to beige French fries, Make my heartbeat sync in time With a fax machine that’s past its prime. 🎵 [Verse 3] I saw her once behind a tree, She was building IKEA furniture… telepathically. She spoke in riddles, none profound: "Why is toast just crunchy sadness bound?" [Outro] So if you wander into her land, With camera, snacks, and trembling hand, Beware her power, dull and thick — You’ll die not screaming... just saying: "Eh, this is fine, I guess." 🎵 Blahhhhhhhhhh Witchhhhhhhhhh... 🎵 (kazoo fades into a legal disclaimer)
