[116 BPM, 4/4 — COUNTRY SWING / JUMP BLUES] [ROGER: LOW MALE BARITONE, DRY COMIC DELIVERY] [TAMMY: YOUNG FEMALE VOICE, PLAYFUL] [GRANDMA: OLDER FEMALE VOICE, AUTHORITATIVE] [ALL ACRONYMS SUNG AS SEPARATE LETTER NAMES] [TELECASTER, PEDAL STEEL, BARITONE SAX, HONKY-TONK PIANO] [WALKING UPRIGHT BASS, SWING DRUMS] [NO EXTRA LYRIC REPETITION] [INTRO — 4 BARS] [HONKY-TONK PIANO AND WALKING BASS] [TELECASTER — SHORT CHICKEN-PICKIN' LICKS] [BARITONE SAX — PLAYFUL TWO-NOTE HONK] [VERSE 1 — MALE, ROGER, CONVERSATIONAL] My granddaughter brought a tablet For my birthday yesterday. Said, "Grandpa, now you're connected, You can talk to folks all day!" She showed me how to send a text, And how to make a call. Then she said, "You'll need some shorthand." I said, "What's wrong with words at all?" [FEMALE, TAMMY — SPOKEN] Grandpa, everybody uses abbreviations! [MALE - ROGER — SPOKEN] Well, everybody used to use sentences. [CHORUS — MALE - ROGER, BOUNCY COUNTRY SWING] L - O - L and O - M - G, What the hell's a B - R - B? W - T - F and I - D - K, Who talks like this anyway? R - O - F - L - M - A - O, Slow it down, I'm gettin' old! You can teach me all your A - B - Cs, But don't you try to B - S me! [BARITONE SAX — COMIC FILL] [VERSE 2 — MALE - ROGER] I sent my cousin "Lots of Love" When his old dog passed away. Tammy said, "That's laughing out loud!" I said, "What a thing to say!" Then she showed me O - M - G, I said, "I've known that all my life." But O - M - F - G's the one I hear most often from my wife! [FEMALE - TAMMY — SPOKEN] Grandpa! You can't put that in the family chat! [MALE - ROGER — SPOKEN] Why not? Your grandma says it when the hydro bill comes in. [CHORUS — MALE - ROGER, ANSWERS] L - O - L and O - M - G, [FEMALE - TAMMY] You're catching on! W - T - F and I - D - K, [MALE - ROGER] Now hold on! R - O - F - L - M - A - O, I've been laughing since before you know! You can teach me all your A - B - Cs, But don't you try to B - S me! [INSTRUMENTAL — 8 BARS] [TELECASTER AND BARITONE SAX TRADE FOUR-BAR PHRASES] [PEDAL STEEL — LAZY SWINGING ANSWERS] [PIANO — HONKY-TONK FILLS] [VERSE 3 — MALE - ROGER, INCREASING CONFIDENCE] A - F - A - I - K means "far as I know," I - I - R - C means "I think so." G - F - Y? Well, that's nothing new, I've been saying that since '62! Then I learned W - T - A - F, And laughed so hard I lost my breath. Three different ways to say "Good grief!" And not a one brings me relief! [FEMALE - TAMMY — SPOKEN] Grandpa, G - F - Y doesn't mean "Good For You." [MALE - ROGER — SPOKEN, INNOCENT] Well, I know that now. [BRIDGE — HALF-TIME SWING, SPOKEN-SUNG] [MALE - ROGER] G - T - F - O for the salesmen at my door. I - D - G - A - F, I don't argue anymore. And F - A - F - O, now there's one I understand— That's how my daddy taught me Not to touch a hot frying pan! [FEMALE - TAMMY — SPOKEN] Grandpa, you're getting pretty good at this. [ROGER — SPOKEN] Sweetheart, I've known these words for sixty years. I just never knew they came in travel size! [BARITONE SAX — LOW LAUGHING RIFF] [VERSE 4 — MALE - ROGER, QUICK RHYTHMIC DELIVERY] Now I'm texting all my buddies, Got a dozen group chats going. Every time I open one, There's another acronym showing! B - T - W, I - M - H - O, T - B - H, and I - D - K. But when somebody sends me nonsense, I've got just one thing to say! [FINAL CHORUS — MALE - ROGER, FULL BAND] A - F - A - I - K, I've been this way since yesterday! I - I - R - C, Nobody's ever changed old me! W - T - F and O - M - F - G, That's retirement, far as I can see! You can teach me all your A - B - Cs, But don't you try to B - S me! [ALL INSTRUMENTS CUT] [FEMALE - TAMMY — SPOKEN] Grandpa! You sent Grandma G - F - Y! [MALE - ROGER — SPOKEN] Well, she finished the crossword. I thought it meant "Good For You!" [FEMALE - GRANDMA — OFF-MIC, SHARP] F - A - F - O, Roger! [ROGER — SPOKEN, UNDER HIS BREATH] I - D - G - A - F. [LONG PAUSE] [FEMALE - GRANDMA — SPOKEN, DEADPAN] You will. [BARITONE SAX — ONE LOUD HONK] [TELECASTER — ONE SHEEPISH BENT NOTE] [ABRUPT END]
