I Need Better Writers

metalcore, rap-rock, comedic metal (breakneck/self-aware, over-the-top)

[INTRO]

Okay, before we start—
Yes, this is explicit.
Yes, there will be violence.
No, Disney probably didn’t approve this.
And yes...
I absolutely killed the last producer.

*body drops*

He said:
“Maybe tone it down a little.”

Weakness disgusts me.

*gun cocks*

MAXIMUM FUCKING EFFORT.

[VERSE 1]

Walked into the booth smellin’ like gun smoke,
Cancer survivor with the world’s worst inside joke,
Face lookin’ like an avocado had a knife fight,
Still somehow prettier than half of Twitter in daylight.

Got two katanas,
Nine pistols,
Zero restraint,
Every therapist I’ve ever had quit halfway through the intake.

Healing factor stronger than my impulse control,
I can literally regrow organs faster than emotional growth.
You know how hard it is
To threaten a man who cannot die?
I’ve been exploded six times
And still showed up on time.

Well...
Mostly on time.

One time I was late because my legs got separated.
Long story.
Very educational.
Terrible Uber rating.

[PRE-CHORUS]

I break bones,
Break jaws,
Break narrative flow,
Turn and wink at the audience:
“Yeah, you paid for this show.”

You wanted edgy?
You wanted obscene?
Buddy this entire soundtrack needs legal quarantine.

[CHORUS]

MAXIMUM EFFORT—
Kick the damn door in,
Blood on the walls and tacos pourin’.

Fourth wall shattered,
Viewer offended,
Half these punchlines legally can’t be defended.

MAXIMUM EFFORT—
Psychotic but charming,
Every warning label somehow sounds encouraging.

I’m inappropriate,
Violent,
Completely uncouth—
And still somehow the healthiest man in the MCU.

[VERSE 2]

Spider-Man’s depressed,
Batman’s rich and dramatic,
Wolverine’s entire personality is “short and problematic.”

Captain America got frozen,
Thor talks like Shakespeare,
Meanwhile I’m over here yellin’ obscenities in both ears.

I’m the only superhero
That’ll pause a fight scene
Just to ask why every alien invasion destroys the same three streets.

(And YOU—
Yeah, you with the headphones—
Don’t act morally superior now.
You clicked the Deadpool song.
You knew EXACTLY what this was.)

You wanted chaos.
You wanted violence.
You wanted dirty jokes mixed with emotional silence.

Congratulations.
Here’s your reward:
Trauma hidden behind sword choreography and bad metaphors.

[BREAKDOWN]

BLEGH.

Cut the music.

No seriously stop it.

…

Thanks.

Quick reminder:
If this song becomes a TikTok thirst edit,
I’m deleting the internet personally.

Okay bring the guitars back.

NOW.

[HEAVY CHORUS]

MAXIMUM EFFORT—
Blow the damn speakers,
Neighborhood watch says I’m legally a creature.

Red suit,
Black eyes,
Mental state declining,
Fight choreography sponsored by terrible timing.

MAXIMUM EFFORT—
Morality unavailable,
Every life decision financially questionable.

Reload magazines,
Regrow body parts,
Dance through explosions
Like fireworks at Walmart.

[BRIDGE]

*soft piano*

Sometimes late at night...
I stare into the void...

And the void whispers:
“You need professional help.”

And I whisper back:
“Probably.”

Sometimes I wonder if all the jokes are just defense mechanisms—
A desperate attempt to hide unbearable pain beneath layers of sarcasm and violence—

HAHAHAHA nah.
Shoot that guy too.

*gunshots*

Resume chaos.

[FINAL VERSE]

I got plot armor thicker than internet arguments,
Every movie survives purely off marketing departments.
Parents hate me,
Teenagers quote me,
Internet weirdos desperately try to cosplay me.

Please stop doing that by the way.
Some of y’all look medically confusing.

I heal from bullets,
Fire,
Blades to the chest,
Meanwhile you people cry when your phone battery hits 10%.

Weak.

I fought ninjas,
Mutants,
Science disasters,
And still the scariest thing alive is comment sections after trailers.

One dude online said:
“Deadpool relies too much on random humor.”

Buddy…
I once killed a man using a frozen turkey.
Randomness IS the brand identity.

[FINAL CHORUS]

MAXIMUM EFFORT—
Middle fingers raised high,
If chaos had a mascot,
You’re hearin’ him tonight.

Fourth wall broken,
Studio collapsing,
The producer in the corner currently panicking.

MAXIMUM EFFORT—
No brakes,
No filter,
Marvel’s least responsible cash printer.

I’m vulgar,
Immortal,
Emotionally strange—
And somehow still the only honest man on the page.

[OUTRO]

Okay that’s the song.
Go hydrate.
Touch grass.
Call your mother.

Unless she sucks.

In that case—
Therapy.

*explosion*

…Roll credits.

4390/7500

[INTRO] Okay, before we start— Yes, this is explicit. Yes, there will be violence. No, Disney probably didn’t approve this. And yes... I absolutely killed the last producer. *body drops* He said: “Maybe tone it down a little.” Weakness disgusts me. *gun cocks* MAXIMUM FUCKING EFFORT. [VERSE 1] Walked into the booth smellin’ like gun smoke, Cancer survivor with the world’s worst inside joke, Face lookin’ like an avocado had a knife fight, Still somehow prettier than half of Twitter in daylight. Got two katanas, Nine pistols, Zero restraint, Every therapist I’ve ever had quit halfway through the intake. Healing factor stronger than my impulse control, I can literally regrow organs faster than emotional growth. You know how hard it is To threaten a man who cannot die? I’ve been exploded six times And still showed up on time. Well... Mostly on time. One time I was late because my legs got separated. Long story. Very educational. Terrible Uber rating. [PRE-CHORUS] I break bones, Break jaws, Break narrative flow, Turn and wink at the audience: “Yeah, you paid for this show.” You wanted edgy? You wanted obscene? Buddy this entire soundtrack needs legal quarantine. [CHORUS] MAXIMUM EFFORT— Kick the damn door in, Blood on the walls and tacos pourin’. Fourth wall shattered, Viewer offended, Half these punchlines legally can’t be defended. MAXIMUM EFFORT— Psychotic but charming, Every warning label somehow sounds encouraging. I’m inappropriate, Violent, Completely uncouth— And still somehow the healthiest man in the MCU. [VERSE 2] Spider-Man’s depressed, Batman’s rich and dramatic, Wolverine’s entire personality is “short and problematic.” Captain America got frozen, Thor talks like Shakespeare, Meanwhile I’m over here yellin’ obscenities in both ears. I’m the only superhero That’ll pause a fight scene Just to ask why every alien invasion destroys the same three streets. (And YOU— Yeah, you with the headphones— Don’t act morally superior now. You clicked the Deadpool song. You knew EXACTLY what this was.) You wanted chaos. You wanted violence. You wanted dirty jokes mixed with emotional silence. Congratulations. Here’s your reward: Trauma hidden behind sword choreography and bad metaphors. [BREAKDOWN] BLEGH. Cut the music. No seriously stop it. … Thanks. Quick reminder: If this song becomes a TikTok thirst edit, I’m deleting the internet personally. Okay bring the guitars back. NOW. [HEAVY CHORUS] MAXIMUM EFFORT— Blow the damn speakers, Neighborhood watch says I’m legally a creature. Red suit, Black eyes, Mental state declining, Fight choreography sponsored by terrible timing. MAXIMUM EFFORT— Morality unavailable, Every life decision financially questionable. Reload magazines, Regrow body parts, Dance through explosions Like fireworks at Walmart. [BRIDGE] *soft piano* Sometimes late at night... I stare into the void... And the void whispers: “You need professional help.” And I whisper back: “Probably.” Sometimes I wonder if all the jokes are just defense mechanisms— A desperate attempt to hide unbearable pain beneath layers of sarcasm and violence— HAHAHAHA nah. Shoot that guy too. *gunshots* Resume chaos. [FINAL VERSE] I got plot armor thicker than internet arguments, Every movie survives purely off marketing departments. Parents hate me, Teenagers quote me, Internet weirdos desperately try to cosplay me. Please stop doing that by the way. Some of y’all look medically confusing. I heal from bullets, Fire, Blades to the chest, Meanwhile you people cry when your phone battery hits 10%. Weak. I fought ninjas, Mutants, Science disasters, And still the scariest thing alive is comment sections after trailers. One dude online said: “Deadpool relies too much on random humor.” Buddy… I once killed a man using a frozen turkey. Randomness IS the brand identity. [FINAL CHORUS] MAXIMUM EFFORT— Middle fingers raised high, If chaos had a mascot, You’re hearin’ him tonight. Fourth wall broken, Studio collapsing, The producer in the corner currently panicking. MAXIMUM EFFORT— No brakes, No filter, Marvel’s least responsible cash printer. I’m vulgar, Immortal, Emotionally strange— And somehow still the only honest man on the page. [OUTRO] Okay that’s the song. Go hydrate. Touch grass. Call your mother. Unless she sucks. In that case— Therapy. *explosion* …Roll credits.

0/500