Cue harpsichord, soft glockenspiel, then a dramatic inhale) 🎀 [Verse 1] I was born on a velvet pillow, With a crown and a delicate scream— My tears were infused with champagne, My nightmares were losing the theme. They told me I couldn’t have Paris, Because peasants were rioting there. So I sobbed in a solid-gold carriage— Life really just isn’t fair. [Chorus] 🎶 I’ve got princess problems, darling, Like crystal too cloudy to see. I cried when my mirror ignored me, And therapy’s not about me. I’m allergic to struggle and silence, I wilt when I’m told the word “no.” So fetch me my throne and some glitter, Or I might just implode in a show. 🎶 [Verse 2] My castle’s collapsing—how boring. They say I should “care” and “donate.” But I’m busy rehearsing my breakdown, In a dress made of guilt and estate. I scroll through injustice on Tuesdays, Then light my cruelty-free cigars. My dog is a duchess of Denmark— And I fund my malaise with memoirs. [Bridge – whispery breakdown] Tell me again I’m divine… Tell me the fault isn’t mine… (And maybe bring oat milk this time?) [Final Chorus – fully unhinged] 🎶 I’ve got princess problems, sugar, A yacht but it’s simply too small. My bubble bath didn’t feel sacred, And someone just questioned my call! So silence your sighs and adore me, I’m trauma in satin disguise— One puff and the room gets distorted, When privilege believes its own lies. 🎶
