Harassberry

[Intro - Spoken over eerie clean guitar + siren] We’re joined today by a local hero… Please welcome… Harassberry! [Verse 1 - Rap] Step into my van, come on kids, don’t be scared Federally funded, I’m the health police, best beware Antioxidants low? I can see it in your eyes Put down that soda, bitch it’s time to evangelize! I’ll follow you for blocks, I don’t care if you run Tax dollars pay me to ruin all your fun Can’t say this on TV? Watch me say it anyway Harassberry’s here and I’m here to stay! [Pre-Chorus - Building scream] Security! Get him off me! Big Soda’s terrified, they know they can’t stop me! [Chorus - Big, chantable, gang vocals] HARASSBERRY! HARASSBERRY! Force-feed the greens, harass everybody! HARASSBERRY! HARASSBERRY! Load the pamphlets, let the harvest begin! HARASS! HARASS! HARASSBERRY! Nobody stopping me bow down to the berry! HARASSBERRY! HARASSBERRY! [Verse 2 - Faster rap] Got a tank full of kale, who the fuck let me drive? Pamphlet cannons blasting, watch your snacks die Kids with candy? I’m on they ass in the parking lot Staple warnings on your door you sugary rot! Juice is liquid regret, soda is straight sin I’ll shadow you home the harvest always wins! [Verse 3 - Even faster rap, unhinged] I got drones in the sky, infrared on your fries Your cheat day’s cancelled, bitch, that’s a federal crime Instagram stories? I’m in your comments at 3AM “Nice salad… too bad that dressing’s got 12 grams of sin!” Mom at the playground? I’m snatching that juice box Dad with a donut? I’m tackling him in the Costco lot Vegan or keto, I don’t care what you claim If it tastes good you’re going on the Wall of Shame! I’ll raid every tailgate, every birthday, every bar Replace all the beer with wheatgrass in a mason jar Call CPS on your snacks, call the feds on your cake Harassberry never sleeps this harvest don’t take a break! [Bridge - Heavy breakdown] Harass… Harass… HARASS! [Final Chorus - Even bigger, double-time] HARASSBERRY! HARASSBERRY! Force-feed the greens, harass everybody! HARASSBERRY! HARASSBERRY! Load the pamphlets, let the harvest begin! HARASS! HARASS! HARASSBERRY! They try to silence me but I never give in! HARASSBERRY! HARASSBERRY! [Outro] There are children outside… “Excellent.” The harvest begins.