Dissonance

First I got depressed in late 2019 & lost literally everything I held dear & had going for life. When I finally reached my unbelievable goal of actually seeing, feeling & thus beginning to be active slowly & steady in "normal day on/offline life). But since then I have actually not gotten any single thing out of anything. I've been completely derived of & depleted on meaningful, honest social interactions. when ever I did get comments/replies on my previous random kindness as when I began being active on this account for example. The people was so supportive, so kind, & I felt all of a sudden at home around creative, emotionally intelligent & open minded people & as unless i'm not unknowingly schizophrenic, (I am not...) then I know for a fact I haven't said anything that wasn't genuinely engaging, kind (at very minimum neutral at least) & either giving fair honest attempts to open up for communication & what not (you know, like a community normally was the very function for its existence, take myspace for example) & not only ain't I getting anything tangible to any degree but the ones who first did, also ghosts me. Even made a desperate hook attempt. love is dead & soon I am too🫤