Book of Trump

[dramatic speech] In the year of two thousand and sixteen, there came a wealthy man unto the people,…. and his name was Donald, son of Fred, of the land of Queens…. And he spake unto the multitudes, proclaiming,.... [proud voice] (“Verily, I am the greatest that ever was… NONE buildeth walls as I do, nor bringeth such bounty to the land") [spoken] And the people marveled at his speech, for he proclaimed, “(Behold, I could stand in the midst of Fifth Avenue and smite a man, and lo, I should lose not one follower, for my people love me greatly.)” ..... [spoken] He spake pridefully of his own wisdom, and bade the scribes, saying.... [questioning] “(Know ye not that *I* am the master of trade??”).... [boasting] (“….None hath knowledge like unto mine!… I know more than the generals of war… more than the builders of cities… ”) [spoken] And the scribes did make records of his utterances upon a glowing fabric of woven spider silk, and all who did gaze upon them marveled at his grandeur.... And he spake, regarding women, saying, 'Verily... when thou art a star..thou mayest grasp upon their bodies whatsoever thou wilt’ [spoken] And great was the scandal throughout the land, for his speech was unclean, and many were offended by his utterances, but Donald was undeterred, and his heart was hardened, for he heeded not the voices of his critics, nor did he turn from his ways. [spoken] And lo.... he turned his gaze to the women of the land, and his mushroom swelled with pride, and he spake.... (“Look ye upon my daughter, Ivanka… for none in the land is as fair as she…. mmmmmmh…. Yay, I say unto thee, were she not mine own daughter,... [chuckle]…. perchance I would court her.”) [spoken] And though vexed by these utterances, the multitude did pardon his curses, saying, ‘It is but the talk of men in their chambers. [spoken] Now the scribes of the land, whom he called the “enemy of the people,” didst write much against him. And he cursed them, saying, [angry voice] “(Yee false scribes, yee sons of perdition, thou art but FAKE NEWS!, spewing lies from thine own lips. Crooked are ye, for thou speakest lies and bring curses upon me!") [spoken] And the Pharisees, who dwelt in the land of Washington, were sore vexed, and they sought to lay charges against him. And they did seek after him, pursuing him as one who doth practice sorcery …. But it came to pass that the people cast lots, decreeing him victorious, and Donald did preside over the land for a period of four years. And in those four years, Donald laid upon the high court a grievous corruption, and lo, a plague did sweep across the lands. Yet he regarded it not, nor did he give heed to the suffering of the people. And it came to pass that there was again a casting of lots by the people, but lo, Donald was not found victorious, and his countenance fell. [spoken, angry] Donald was wroth, and in his fury did cast the ketchup against the wall, for his anger was kindled greatly. *BANG* And he smote the great table with his fists! And his cries ascended to the heavens, for he was sore displeased.... And then did curse Biden, his defeator, wishing upon him a grievous plague, that he might be smitten with great affliction. And he journeyed far and wide, proclaiming, “(Behold, I was victorious, yay... undefeated! Mine own victory was foretold by the scribes of Fox, but lo, many lots were stolen and transformed by trickery.”) And on the day of January the sixth, twenty twenty one, as the casting of lots was to be certified, Donald addressed those loyal to him, and did decree that they should march unto the Capitol, that they might bring their cause before the rulers and hinder the certification. And the multitude did heed his request, and they did riot and storm the Capitol, and there was great destruction, and with it, came the loss of life. And lo, Donald was very pleased, for he saw that the people did follow after him with zeal.... And the multitude cried out for the execution of Pence, who had purposed in his heart to certify the result. And Donald declared him an enemy of the people.