Santa's On Ozempic Now

[Slow, melancholic piano intro] (Soft, muted trumpet enters) [Verse 1] The sleigh is parked, the reindeer rest, Christmas is done, put to the test. My belly’s round, my cheeks are red, Too many cookies, I must have said. "Just one more," with a jolly laugh, Now the sugar rush? It's cut in half. [Pre-Chorus] [Building slightly] New year, new me, I hear them say, But this Santa needs a different way. I’ve got a check-up, the doctor’s call, Hoping this holiday’s not my downfall. [Chorus] [Jazz-infused, slightly bluesy] Doctor said, “Santa, you’ve gotta see, Your numbers are high, it’s Ozempic for thee!” No more treats, no more cheer, Just a needle each day, gotta make it clear. Ozempic, Ozempic, what a surprise, This Santa’s gotta face some modern times. [Verse 2] [Slow, melancholic piano] The elves are shocked, the Mrs. too, "Diet Santa?" They ask, "Is it true?" They're making salads, low-carb treats, Trading gingerbread for plant based meats. The North Pole is changing, a health kick’s in, Gotta lose the extra weight, and finally win. [Pre-Chorus] [Building slightly] No more cookies, no more pie, Just healthy habits, reaching for the sky. I've got a new routine, a brand new plan, This Santa's gonna live longer, if he can. [Chorus] [Jazz-infused, slightly bluesy] Doctor said, “Santa, you’ve gotta see, Your numbers are high, it’s Ozempic for thee!” No more treats, no more cheer, Just a needle each day, gotta make it clear. Ozempic, Ozempic, what a surprise, This Santa’s gotta face some modern times. [Bridge] It’s not the presents or the sleigh rides or the snow, It's health and well-being, that makes Santa glow. A little help from science, a little will to change, Santa goes modern, rearranging. [Chorus] [Jazz-infused, slightly bluesy] Doctor said, “Santa, you’ve gotta see, Your numbers are high, it’s Ozempic for thee!” No more treats, no more cheer, Just a needle each day, gotta make it clear. Ozempic, Ozempic, what a surprise, This Santa’s gotta face some modern times. [Outro] [Fades Out] Ozempic, Ozempic, a new chapter for me, A healthier Santa, for all to see. Merry Christmas...and good health!