On Shores Unsure

I think I'm alive, but I'm unsure On the surface I am breathing Counting lives upon the shore As sand runs through my fingers In time they've lost all feeling Casting stones to salted sea The living pass but do not linger For I reek of all the faults I bleed But what stone heaves beneath my shirt? So hollow, yet so heavy Filled to burst with all the hurt That’s left from where you left me And when it breaks, the weight of you Will let the ocean take me To the face below the wake And where I hope you’re waiting Will I see you there in lace? A smile on your face Can I hold a hope for life When I’ve thrown my own away? But there I found the darkest place No light could ever know A peace released from memory A death without a soul You’re slipping away… I’m losing myself… I sold everything For my own piece of hell… The darkness below… It called me by name… It knew me before I could know who to blame… Do I choose to chain myself To a life without a light? Or do I want this Endless wander? No faces in my mind? I can’t wash away If I hold to my anger And I don’t know god But I know he’s a stranger My last chance to breathe Is miles and fading… But I can’t believe… So I choose to leave… (I don’t want this life) Then I hear you say… “Dearest one I love you so, I feel you on the breeze. I wait upon the distance The horizon at my feet. I heard you when you called to me. I will visit in your dreams. So count the sands however long It takes for us to meet.” I feel unsure, but I'm alive I swear I heard your voice last night I'm counting losses on the shore But life is life no more