[Instrumental Intro] [ Verse 1 ] [Growling, ominous voice] The A-ho-ho-hole from the North Pole Santa's a mess, spiked punch taints his soul. The reindeer are trashed, Rudolph's eyes look fried, They're skiddin' into chimneys like GTA5. No nametags, no lists—Santa's had it with the chore, He's crammed bags down chimneys like he's in a yuletide war. [ Pre-Chorus ] Eggnog-stained gifts and a sleigh on the brink, Chimneys are cracked and the old man's on the blink. [ Chorus ] Crazy Santa, tearing through the night! Running on empty with reindeer fumes in flight! When the sun comes up, and the gifts are unpacked, You’ll have to roll the dice to get your holiday back! [ Verse 2 ] His boots stomp down the bags, too drunk to care, A haze fills the room, wrapping paper in despair. He’s late, he’s loud, and he’s way off the rails, Dropping chaos in chimneys like a holiday fail. Families gather ‘round the fireplace of doom, Sorting through the carnage in the sooty gloom. [ Pre-Chorus ] No one's getting what they wished for this year, Enjoy the confusion and the stench of reindeer. [ Chorus ] Crazy Santa, tearing through the night! Running on empty with reindeer fumes in flight! When the sun comes up, and the gifts are unpacked, You’ll have to roll the dice to get your holiday back! [ Bridge ] Dice hit the table, trades go down, Dad gets a doll while Grandma’s wearing the crown (Royal). Lucy got a racecar, Tim a tea set. It’s mayhem, it's madness! It's gift roulette! [Mosh pit breakdown] [Growling] HO! HO! HO! HO! HO! HO! (I wonder what Krampus is up to these days...) [Silent Pause] [Deep voice, spoken] YOU RANG?? [Instrumental breakdown] [ Chorus ] Crazy Santa, tearing through the night! Running on empty with reindeer fumes in flight! When the sun comes up, and the gifts are unpacked, You’ll have to roll the dice to get your holiday back! [ Outro ] A cautionary tale for every Christmas Eve, If Santa’s on the job, don’t be naïve. You get what you get, and don’t throw a fit, Or you’ll end up in the same steaming pile of... crap! ...right!?!