“My father makes a mean omelette. He’s been using the same three eggs for the last twenty years. Don’t get me wrong. I mean-- it’s fucking disgusting and his house smells like the law of diminishing returns. But you gotta admire that kind of brand loyalty nowadays. Whenever he’s serving the omelette he always says the same thing: ‘Did you know that these are genuine EGG BRAND eggs?’ He claims the provenance can be traced all the way back to Frank Sinatra’s favorite hen, Double-X Burrito Babe. But we let him have his fun. Other than the foodborne illness, he’s not hurting anyone. And you gotta admire that kind of.”