Waltzing Matilda (for Tom Waits)

Click of the doorknob as you return from the shower; muffled whoosh of moccasins on my front porch; the itchy screen door you scrape with car keys; nodding furious your soft, earnest forehead, to follow where you’re going--that’s what I need to make it through another day. But I couldn’t jump as high as you; oh the things you can do and I just can’t, and I’m sorry dear; I never did. You didn’t stop trying , with your platinum smile and raspberry tenderness, until your spirit fluttered off into the river… And before we met, the first hello, the first time, I already knew your name; you took my fingers, squeezed my calluses, asking ‘how did these get here?’ I shook my head and your eyes were so big, you looked in mine and whispered your secret; time was running out. Now I’m losing my voice every night, with Tom Waits howling beside me, and I wonder--why won’t sad Lady Matilda dance with her man? Was I afraid of sliding across the wooden ballroom with you, sparkle spin and we spun, out of control we were. I was weak when you led me up that hill, was starving but you didn’t let me fall down, But on Good Friday, you left--you left town nonetheless, you left and now I pace back and forth in my bedroom, digging for one of your tattered shirts, I need a piece of something to hold on to, and I bet you come back someday, because I have something you own. My heart my heart-- My heart my heart you said you’d remember everything I told you; never let me sit alone in those blank spaces, but the footsteps I’m hearing are just echoes of passing ships and that night-sky supernova, those feathers, remind me of beach sand and the boardwalks- -and hey! remember that time I let you cut my hair, and when I looked in the mirror we burst out laughing? you promised to keep the sofa-bed free whenever I needed to lay my head, and today I need somebody’s Somewhere to crash and do you ever wonder, how we’ll look when we’re old? And I never said goodbye, because you can’t leave me, It was blinding, how you rushed inside but just as blinding you brushed past… and do you ever find what it is you’re looking for? Answer me, please I am begging, you--... answer me--say something... Saturday night was holy when we were together; that kind of waltzing was the only kind: spinning madness in the middle of winter, in the upside down world you took me through, So to get me through today I’m always falling on my knees; I worship those memories and I want to bury myself inside them, dancing in your arms and shivering.