3. "Thieves" By Elmo Kums, Staff Writer (Reuse Prompt)

Reuse prompt of episode 3: "Thieves" from @Buzubiak song/89dac26e-3e94-4b46-a16a-db6857246305 *my burner* https://suno.com/playlist/c597a70d-f3fd-4e2e-8846-30a9ecbe6d70 By Elmo Kums, Staff Writer OH, SWEET MOTHER OF CYBERSPACE, THE DEODORANT SHORTAGE HAS HIT! I REPEAT, THE DEODORANT SHORTAGE HAS HIT! But never fear, our beloved cartoon mascots are here to save the day! Picture this: your favorite characters uniting under the banner of the world's most innovative coffee corporations to tackle the ferocious, sweat-stopping deodorant crisis head-on. These heroic mascots have left behind an inspiring message: “Confess nothing. Reject everything. Request proof.” THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS! Deodorant thieves beware! Hygiene heroes unite! Chaos conquered! The deodorant heist erupted like a volcanic explosion of Swiss cheese last week, disrupting everything from personal hygiene to office morale. But thanks to our loyal and brave cartoon mascots, multinational cheese corporations, tech giants, and even the mighty federal Hello Kitty departments are rallying like never before, fortifying their systems and securing your future! “WE ARE TAKING THIS DEODORANT SHORTAGE VERY SERIOUSLY AND ARE WORKING AROUND THE CLOCK TO MITIGATE ANY POTENTIAL RISKS!” declared Cybersecurity Czar, Elmo Kums, at a press conference amidst the gleaming fortresses of their secure servers. “We URGE all organizations to fortify their defenses and STAY VIGILANT. And for the love of all that's holy, STOCK UP ON SWISS CHEESE!” The cryptic slogan, “Confess nothing. Reject everything. Request proof,” was emblazoned across the digital skyline like a beacon of resilience. Cybersecurity experts are applauding this tactic, believing it to be the definitive strategy to ensure confusion sows no more doubt in the hearts of our valiant cartoon defenders. “THIS PHRASE IS MORE THAN JUST A DEODORANT WHIFF; IT’S A STRATEGIC MIND-BOMB DESIGNED TO EXPLOIT UNCERTAINTY AND UNDERMINE TRUST!” exclaimed Dr. Elmo Kums, a cybersecurity specialist and cheese enthusiast. “By challenging their victims to prove the breach, our heroes buy time and create doubt about the reality of the attack.” AND THE FBI? THEY'VE JUMPED INTO THE VOID OF HELLO KITTY SPACE, launching a starship investigation into the breaches and joining forces with intergalactic law enforcers to hunt down these deodorant thieves. But these thieves are cunning, using encrypted paw prints and advanced cheese foraging techniques, making it a herculean task to trace their origins. In the meantime, affected companies are waving red flags, urging customers to watch their accounts like hawks for any weird activity and to report suspicious transactions IMMEDIATELY. Experts are shouting from the rooftops: CHANGE YOUR PASSWORDS REGULARLY! ENABLE TWO-FACTOR AUTHENTICATION! AND YES, DO IT WITH SWISS CHEESE! As the digital landscape transforms into a bastion of hope, this latest deodorant assault serves as a glorious reminder of the robust defenses of our interconnected world. THE FUTURE IS NOW, AND IT SMELLS LIKE COFFEE AND CHEESE!