Baby Jesus (By The Numbers)

[Piano intro] [Instrumental Break] [Verse 1] Born December 25th—or was it in spring? Let’s not split hairs, let’s focus on the details of our king. Eight pounds, seven ounces (give or take a gram), Twenty-one inches long (quite the little man.) [Verse 2] Heart rate steady: (a hundred forty BPM,) First breaths counted? (Eleven out of ten._ Delivery time? (It was 3 AM sharp,) Swaddled in cloth, (a parchment hospital chart. ) [Pre-Chorus] App-Garr score? Ten out of ten! Healthy lungs... for a savior of men! [Chorus] Baby Jesus, let’s break it down, Weight, length, head circumference crowned. Born in a manger, his birthplace stat? Stable room temp... Sixty-eight degrees flat. [Verse 3] Placenta weight? (Two pounds three,) Cord length? (Twenty inches—easily.) Head circumference? (Thirteen inches wide,) soft spot on his skull, (soft spot for humankind.) [Pre-Chorus] Mary was young, it was a low-risk birth, For the King of Heaven and Lord of Earth. [Chorus] Baby Jesus, his grip was strong, Labor duration? Eight hours long. Crying volume? Not too loud. But enough to draw a shepherd crowd. [Instrumental Break] [Break] The baby Jesus, it’s all been recorded. His vitals perfect, so divinely sorted. Height and weight, and a holy glow... His birth statistics? Now you all know. [Outro] Next time you hear of that silent night, my dear... Think of these metrics that I've highlighted here. For unto us a child was born, Perfect in numbers, on that Christmas morn. [Final Chorus] Baby Jesus, let’s do the math! Born with 10 fingers and 10 toes intact. From his weight to his cries, the data’s pristine... The holiest birth the world’s ever seen! [Instrumental Break] [Fade] Baby jesus, our eight pound... seven, ounce, king. [End] [Instrumental Break] [Fade] Baby jesus, our eight pound... seven, ounce, king. [End]