Backstabber

We make many mistakes in our life. I did that too. I just noticed that it was more the emotion that led me. Anger, nerves, and disappointment made me who I am, what I did, I may regret it, but somehow I did it. I always felt the pain of being stabbed in the back, I always trusted such people However, I did not know that in the end I also stabbed someone else in the back. I've become a backstabber, although I don't know how I can go that far. I can't turn back the pain, so I just kept the fact that I'm the backstabbing person to myself. Maybe I should heal myself, but it's hard when the pain reliever has already expired, it's hard, my soul is dark, my heart is far enough, and my back is covered with thorns and knives I've become a backstabber, although I don't know how I can go that far. What can I do to be a fake saint when I only condemn them. How could I be so stupid? What can I do now? because I know words don't solve the situation, so an apology wouldn't be enough. This irreversible deed will oppress me forever. I've become a backstabber, although I don't know how I can go that far.