Ez eZ

Verse 1 Alright, alright, settle down. Like, seriously? I wasn't even trying to roast you, but your gameplay is just naturally tragic. For real, bro? We practically dragged your sorry hero across the map, opening up your lane, and where were you? Mid lane, soaking up XP like a bot. It got so tense my palms were sweating more than yours after a 1v1 against Pudge. And the audacity! You thought you were contributing? Bless your heart. Turns out your "help" was just a highlight reel of your respawn screen. How does that even compute? You trying to set a new record for most deaths in a single game? Huh? Seriously though? Huh? Are you even trying? Chorus EZ PZ (So damn easy) Why the hell didn't you use Black King Bar, you absolute potato? EZ PZ (Like taking candy from a baby Roshan) Why the hell didn't you use Black King Bar, you brainless wonder? EZ PZ (We could've won this with a literal creep controlling your hero better) Why the hell didn't you use Black King Bar, you walking feeding machine? EZ PZ (My grandma plays a better mid than you, and she's been dead for ten years) Why the hell didn't you use Black King Bar, you utter noob? Verse 2 Let's get one thing straight: you are the weakest link on this team, by a mile. Secondly, your understanding of item builds and game sense is so… frugal. Like, you're playing on a dial-up connection in 2024. How in the nine hells are you gonna stay on my team and then perform like a boosted animal? Are you intentionally throwing? Trying to single-handedly lower our MMR? And you keep getting ganked by the same two heroes! It's like they have a personal vendetta against your existence. We actually had a decent shot at winning, but you were clearly on a mission to sabotage us from the inside. I know your kind. All that sweet-talking followed by pure, unadulterated feeding. You're a double agent for the enemy team, aren't you? You've got my blood boiling, my dude. I'm so tilted right now, my IQ just dropped by 50 points. Seriously, I'm about one more bad play away from abandoning this clown fiesta. Bridge Okay… Let's just… try to salvage this dumpster fire. Mm… Ayy… (Sigh of utter despair) Mm… Ayy… (Internal screaming) Mm… Ayy… (Trying to find a shred of hope) Mm… Ayy… (Realizing it's futile) Mm… Okay… (Resigned to our fate) Okay… (Accepting the inevitable loss) Okay… (Questioning my life choices) Okay… (Preparing for the post-game flame war) Verse 3 Alright, listen up, genius. Believe it or not, we might actually snatch this victory from the jaws of your incompetence. You had me questioning my sanity, gave me more stress than my last Dota calibration, but somehow, miraculously, we found a crack in their defenses. Now you're racking up kills and your ego is inflating faster than a balloon animal at a children's party. But guess what? You still can't stop dying! It's like a biological imperative for you. So, back to the fountain you go. Again. And now we're stuck playing high-ground defense because you insisted on solo-farming their jungle with no vision. We all know deep down this game is circling the drain, but you're over here pretending like you're single-handedly carrying. Acting like you're making plays, accumulating net worth, but you're losing more gold on buybacks than their entire team combined. Chorus EZ PZ (Did you even calibrate your MMR, or did you just spawn here?) Why the hell didn't you use Black King Bar, you bronze medal recipient? EZ PZ (This game is so one-sided, my cat could play your hero and do better) Why the hell didn't you use Black King Bar, you gift-wrapped courier? EZ PZ (Reported. Enjoy your low priority, you magnificent feeder) Why the hell didn't you use Black King Bar, you utter noob? EZ PZ (uninstall game pls) Why the hell didn't you use Black King Bar, you utter noob?