The Villain Of The Cooks

[Intro] As I stand in the kitchen, scratchin’ my head, Starin’ at the fridge like the food is dead. Dinner’s approachin’, clock tickin’ loud, But my skills in the kitchen ain’t doin’ me proud. Got a pan in my hand and a doubtful mood, Tryna act tough but I can’t sauté food. They think I’m playin’ chef, misunderstood, Truth is, man — I just ain't that good. [Verse 1] Lookin’ in the fridge — what’s the deal today? Chops, potatoes, veggies, butter on display. Yeah, I could make it work… at least I’ll try, But my soul says “run” and my brain says “why?” Last time I cooked, it was straight-up cursed, Dish came alive like a scene unrehearsed. It blinked at me once — I swear on my name, I dropped the fork and walked away in shame. [Chorus] I’m cookin’ today — but yo, don’t be mad, It ain’t nothin’ personal, I swear it ain’t bad. I’m givin’ my all, though the pressure is real, The pan is my battleground, dinner my ordeal. Gordon’s in the corner, whisperin’ prayers, Alton burned his books, fled down the stairs. Martha took a flight, said “nope” with a look — Now I stand alone… the villain of the cooks. [Verse 2] Heat the oil in the pan — now it’s startin’ to smoke, Drop the chops in — bam! — like a holy joke. Oil’s poppin’ wild, but I keep my stance, Salt and pepper — this might be my chance. Now the taters — mashin’, mashin’ — not goin’ as planned, Wait — forgot to boil ’em first... ain’t life grand? Choppin’ up the veggies, feelin’ kinda fly... But the spoon cuts better than the knife — why?! Flames risin’ up — did I add too much heat? Kitchen smells like chaos, mixed with defeat. Timer’s beepin’ loud, I forgot what for, And the smoke alarm's screamin' like never before. [Chorus] Well, maybe I’m a villain of cooking, it’s true, But I do it all ’cause I love you. I’m givin’ my best, though the flames might burn, It’s the thought that counts, and I’ll live and learn. Gordon’s in the corner, whisperin’ prayers, Alton burned his books, fled down the stairs. Martha took a flight, said “nope” with a look — But I stand alone… the villain of the cooks. [Verse 3] Alright, it’s all done — but honestly, it sucks, Chops as hard as rocks, like salt that’s stuck. Potatoes like clay, salad’s a mess, I tried, but man — it’s more of a stress. But wait — why you smilin’, eatin’ it all? Saying it’s fine, when it’s clearly a fall. Is that just pity, so I don’t start to cry? Don’t lie to me now, you can tell me why. But wait, you mean it’s okay? That’s real? Well, thanks for the love, it’s a hell of a deal. [Chorus] Well, maybe I’m a villain of cooking, it’s true, But I do it all ’cause I love you. I’m givin’ my best, though the flames might burn, It’s the thought that counts, and I’ll live and learn. Gordon’s in the corner, whisperin’ prayers, Alton burned his books, fled down the stairs. Martha took a flight, said “nope” with a look — But I stand alone… the villain of the cooks. Dinner’s served, and the kitchen’s a mess, But hey, at least we’re still alive, I guess. So here's to the burns and the failed attempts, I’ll cook again… just don’t expect the best. ‘Cause I’m the villain of the kitchen, no shame, But I cook ‘cause I care — that’s my claim to fame.