Duolingo The Curse

(WARNING: None of the events described in this song are real) [intro] [crazy male voice] Crazy? I was crazy once. He locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. AND IT WAS BECAUSE OF A GREEN BIRD!!! [intrumental interlude] [verse 1] [male voice] You want to learn Spanish But guess what? You don’t have much time. You got a few weeks to get your act together And you can’t go to school (you’re an adult, not a child) So you pull out Duolingo (and download it) And you do its lessons (wow, this is so easy!) You think this is a foolproof method to learn But there’s one problem… [chorus] THAT GREEN BIRD! HE WILL KIDNAP YOU FAMILY THAT GREEN BIRD! HE WILL GIVE YOU NO PEACE AT ALL THAT GREEN BIRD! HE WILL DO ALL HE CAN TO TEACH YOU… THAT YOU MADE A MISTAKE [instrumental interlude] [verse 2] It’s been a week, and strange things have happened (I don’t like this…) Your car is gone, and your dog is dead (NOOOOO!) You try to uninstall the app, but it doesn’t uninstall (who designed this???) You realise that this is no app, but rather curse… oh no… This is no dream, it’s an eternal nightmare That green owl is watching you all day And he has sinister intentions You have to obey his orders or else… [chorus] THAT GREEN BIRD! HE WILL KIDNAP YOU FAMILY THAT GREEN BIRD! HE WILL GIVE YOU NO PEACE AT ALL THAT GREEN BIRD! HE WILL DO ALL HE CAN TO TEACH YOU… THAT YOU MADE A MISTAKE [instrumental interlude] [verse 3] One more week, one more week of suffering You got no sleep last night, and you’re crazy You swear you see him everywhere, but do you? I really hope he doesn’t come for me… [buzzer sound] OH NO! I FORGOT MY LESSON! WAIT, IS THAT HIM? WITH A KNIFE??? OH SHIIIIIIIIII- [dubstep and metal section, instrumental only] [chorus] [male voice screaming] THAT GREEN BIRD! HE WILL KIDNAP YOU FAMILY THAT GREEN BIRD! HE WILL GIVE YOU NO PEACE AT ALL THAT GREEN BIRD! HE WILL DO ALL HE CAN TO TEACH YOU… THAT YOU MADE A MISTAKE [song abruptly goes silent] [body drop sound] [silence] [outro] [police officer on the radio] It looks like Duolingo has claimed another victim To those listening, please don’t get Duolingo Because he will hunt you down Stay safe out there, and goodbye… [end of song]